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"Bones: The Parts in the Sum of the Whole (#5.16)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [First meeting] Are you a student here?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Special Agent Seely Booth from the FBI.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institute.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you believe in fate?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Absolutely not. Ludicrous.
[Jump to the present]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I still don't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And I still do.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, anthropologically speaking, paramilitaristic organizations tend to constrain individuality.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's for sure.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But in any group, no matter how restrictive, the free thinkers, the mavericks, the rebels with leadership qualities find a way to declare their distinctiveness.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'd ask you out if I could.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why can't you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well FBI rules again. No fratenizing with other agents, or consultants.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's too bad.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Glad you think so.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Uh, don't bother. You know, never remember Squints.
Caroline Julian: That's correct. And you know why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Caroline Julian: Because they get all wishy washy, and flip floppy on the witness stand. So it's better I *don't* remember the last time they let me down when I need 'em again.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after Bones hits Judge Haley] Is this very bad?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I have been wanting to do that for years. You are so hot!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Quietly] If we don't work together any more, we could have sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'll call a cab!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just feel like um, this is going somewhere.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why did you feel this is going somewhere?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh I just... I feel like I want to kiss you.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You kissed?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There was tongue contact.
Dr. Lance Sweets: My book is crap!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We are not spending the night together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course we aren't. Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Tequila.
[Bones enters the cab]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
[Booth runs to the cab]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hold - hold that cab. Hold that cab! Hey, so you afraid that when I look at you in the morning I'll have regrets?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That would never happen.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I find that I'm annoyed with you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why, because I fired and hired you back? It's the Federal Government.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Because you got me drunk to fire me and then have sex with me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh no, I got myself drunk so I could fire you. And you decided not to have sex with me which I accepted, gracefully. So you regretting that decision?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I'm not. It was a very good decision. I stand by it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We're not in love with each other. It took a year after we kissed to be in the same room together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh absolutely right. No more kissing or anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm the gambler. I believe in giving this a chance. Look, I want to give this a shot.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You mean us? No. The FBI won't let us work together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't do that! That is no reason.
[They kiss]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Crying] You - you thought you were protecting me. But you're the one who needs protecting.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Protection from what?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: From me. I don't have your kind of open heart.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can we still work together?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But I gotta move on. You know, I gotta find someone who's- who's going to love me in 30 years, or 40 or 50.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, excuse me, you know what, you really need to learn how to speak to human beings.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I speak 6 languages, two of which you've never even heard of.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Even though my time and expertise are extremely valuable, I accept your decision to test my abilities. Obviously, I passed with a lot of color.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Pardon me?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It means I did very well.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, right. You, um... Flying colors. You passed with flying colors.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. I know.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You called evidence crap. And she basically called you stupid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We were feeling each other up. Like a honeymoon period.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Out. We were feeling each other out.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can I come in and watch you broil the suspect?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I could broil. But, I think you mean grill.
Zack Addy: Are you Special Agent Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are you? Oh. The Jeffersonian. You must be one of the squints.
Zack Addy: I'm not familiar with that term.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Squint. You know, you guys... you squint when you look at things?
[pointing at Zack's face]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just like that.
Zack Addy: It was immensely stupid of you to fire us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, but did you just call me stupid?
Zack Addy: I can only conclude that you are immensely stupid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is that? Is that a monkey?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. This is an Ardipithecus ramidus kadabba. The earliest known...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Abracadabra can wait.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, excuse me, you know what, you really need to learn how to speak to human beings.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I speak six languages, two of which you've never heard of.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You're a cold fish.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're a superstitious moron.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Get a soul!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Get a brain!
FBI Forensics Tech: Agent Booth?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] *I'm* Agent Booth.
[to the Tech]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
"Bones: The Critic in the Cabernet (#4.24)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Happy.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sperm.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Sweets] Sperm? Isn't this getting a little weird?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No. Keep going.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Egg.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I want a baby.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Horse.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a minute.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. We can stop here.
Dr. Lance Sweets: This is a well researched therapeutic technique, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh really? This happens all the time? Patients asking for sperm.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah - no. Well not this specifically. Which is why some discussion is in order.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I'm not asking for you to be involved. All I want is your sperm.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth realizes the Tech has heard Bones and starts to laugh] That's a good one. "All I want is your sperm." Never heard that joke before.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't understand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to the Tech] Yeah. Okay. All right. Just close your mouth and point us to the body, okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're going to have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone. It's probably on the news by now.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know *you* Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it. But it's still doing it even if you're not doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what'll you get out of it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you.
Dr. Lance Sweets: How can you two not see what's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, what's the big deal? She was going to have a baby anyway, with Fisher. Fisher! Okay? What would you have done?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Again, what I would have done is irrelevant. You. *You* admitted to feeling anxiety.
Stewie Griffin: So are you going to let her have this baby alone?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I didn't say that.
Stewie Griffin: You are! You're going to abandon your child! Oh night's deepest gloom washes over my tiny frame.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. I can't walk away. I never said that! Okay? Do you understand? I can't walk away! This is my kid! If I can't be involved I don't want her to have the baby!
Stewie Griffin: And the sun shines again. Good man, Boothy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, what's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I can't do it. Listen I have to be involved. If I'm the father then... I have to be a father.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not a neurologist, Booth, or a surgeon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But you're a genius. That's good enough for me... Plus you'll know if they're screwing up.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll ask.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, if I don't make it...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you're going to be fine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But if I'm not, I want you to have my stuff. You know, for a kid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I want you to... You're going to be a really good mom.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're going to be fine, Booth. I'll be right here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You really liked holding that kid didn't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah. I've been thinking about how exciting it would be to expose my own child to early pattern recognition.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know they like singing and uh, when you make funny faces at 'em too.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah of course. I-I will make a diverse schedule.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [referring to the body] Looks like a purple Smurf.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Pelvic bone indicates a male.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Like a rubber, purple, Smurf.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You and Brennan, you're gonna have a baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She told you?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: She told everyone, it's probably on the news by now.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just donating.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So, you decided?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! No! I am deciding, i-n-g -ing.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I know you, Seeley. You're gonna do it. You wanna do it without really doing it, but it's still doing it even if you're not... doing it the way it should be done.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She wants a kid, okay? It'll make her more personable with people.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And what will it do for you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She'll get what she wanted.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: A piece of you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, what is going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I can't do it. Listen, I have to be involved. If I'm the father then... I have to *be* a father.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You were seeing something in there, what were you seeing?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stewie. The baby from The Family Guy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You saw Stewie in there, in the interrogation room?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you say, about the kid?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Fine, I won't have a baby.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Fine." That's it?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It doesn't matter now, we're going to the hospital.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's no big deal, okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it is. Booth, you thought you saw Luc Robitaille and then the ghost of a dead friend and now a cartoon baby. Trust me, something is wrong. Trust me.
"Bones: The Verdict in the Story (#3.13)" (2008)
Dr. Lance Sweets: Dr. Brennan everyone you work with, including your therapist...Special Agent Seeley Booth: *Former* therapist.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Is endevoring to imprison your father. That's wicked stressful.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth is right. It doesn't bother me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, Booth is wrong. *Yes*, it does.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm fine.
Dr. Lance Sweets: If you were fine, you'd be balled up in a corner, weeping or semi-catatonic.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [turning to Booth] Does that sound fine to you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, Bones, but I'm going to have to agree with Sweets on this one.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I think it's important for you to know that *we* know that the colder more objective you appear on the outside, the more pain you feel on the inside.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm fine!
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, you're not!
AUSA Caroline Julian: Have you no control over these people?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: None what-so-ever.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, Caroline, it's Bones! It's different. Let's just admit it!
AUSA Caroline Julian: Here's what's not different.
[to Booth]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Lose the "Cocky" belt buckle.
[to Hodgins]
AUSA Caroline Julian: No badges saying "Resist Authority" or "The Truth is Out There."
[to Zack]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Do *not* cut your own hair the day before the trial.
[to Angela]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Ugly up a little. The plain women on the jury hate you.
[to Sweets]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Use your fully grown up words.
[to Cam]
AUSA Caroline Julian: Eat! Last time your stomach was growling louder than your testimony.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, listen up people. Bones, she believes in the system. She finds out that Angela is not going to testify, she's not going to like it. Okay? She'd want us to do our jobs.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I didn't see Angela today.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Angela refuses to testify.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Probably because she's your best friend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, you're my friend. And you don't mind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I mind! We *all* mind. Except for Zack.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, in that case, Zack is the only one thinking clearly. I had to give Hodgins permission. I don't know what's wrong with everyone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not what's wrong, Bones. It's what's *right*!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [rising up] Oh and remember. I'm the one... who gave you this
[pouring out his coffee]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: delicious coffee.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because I'm the first prosecution witness against your father.
[enters the court room]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [as Angela's being escorted to prison for refusing to testify. Bones rises up] Angela please!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sit down!
Angela Montenegro: [Angela stops] Sweetie, this is one of those times when I know *I'm* right, and everyone else is *confused*!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just think he doesn't want to admit that he likes us.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you like us?
Dr. Lance Sweets: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And he wants to spend time with us.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Is that true, Sweets? You like us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth, Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [singing] He really likes us.
Dr. Lance Sweets: All right, you know what? I'm sorry I made the offer. I take it back. Forget it!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, you're not Dr. Brennan today. You're Temperance.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The scientist part of you got sidelined, temporarily.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [scoffs] I still don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, just take the brain. Okay? And put it in neutral. Take the heart, and put it in overdrive.
[makes motor sounds]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sometimes I think you're from another planet.
[smiles]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sometimes I think you're nice
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [examining a skeleton that is curled in a circular shape] How could this happen?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Umm, maybe he was rolled up in a carpet?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Where's the carpet?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it rotted away. You know, with the... meaty parts.
[Bones starts laughing]
AUSA Caroline Julian: [entering] Excuse me? What is so funny?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [forcing back her laughter] Nothing.
AUSA Caroline Julian: I should hope not, because there's a dead body deserving our respect right in front of you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Brennan can't contain herself any longer and bursts out laughing]
AUSA Caroline Julian: I did not know she could laugh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's a lot of heart, Bones...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's a lot of hearts Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after telling Dr. Brennan she has to choose between her brain and heart] That's a lot of heart, Bones
"Bones: The Man in the Morgue (#1.19)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Voodoo! Who's gonna believe that stuff?Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's a religion, no crazier than... well, what are you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Catholic.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They believe in the same saints you do... in prayer... what they call spells, you call miracles... they have priests...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We don't make zombies.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jesus rose from the dead in three days...
[Booth looks at her in shock. Brennan picks up her phone]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Brennan...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jesus is not a zombie!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, easy on the Catholics, okay? Just... easy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, Bones, hows about while you're a murder suspect you act more like a normal woman and less like Lily Munster, 'kay?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: How did I get away? Graham got killed, I got away. How did I do that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, Bones, all those things that Caroline mentioned - the martial arts, the shooting, the assaults - you're just the type of woman that fights. You know? Maybe they didn't expect it, maybe they thought some kind of magic could hold you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't believe in magic.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Exactly. You're a surprising woman, and that's sometimes enough to get away.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [smiling at Booth] Why are you nice to me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because. Because they think they get away with it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They burn their victim. They blow him up. They toss him in the ocean. They bury them in the desert. They throw 'em into wood chippers. Sometimes, you know, years go by. They relax. Then they start living their lives like they didn't do anything wrong. Like they didn't spend somebody else's life in order to get what they got. They think they're safe from retribution. You make those bastards unsafe. That's why I'm nice to you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I couldn't do that without you, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. So, um, you should be a little nicer to me, huh?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I really should.
[Booth and Brennan are looking for Dr. Legier at his house]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Graham! Graham?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [under his breath] Cracker!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, that's not funny.
[Booth storms into the room where Brennan is being questioned without knocking]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you okay?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth, I told you not to come.
Detective Rose Harding: Who's this?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's... he's FBI. We're sort of partners.
Detective Rose Harding: A guy flies down from D.C., you're more than *sort of.*
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can I make a lifestyle suggestion?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Go ahead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, vacation - it's from the Latin 'vacatio' and means, you know, freedom and release - you might want to consider that next time
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Learning Latin?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: is the opposite of vacation. I mean, no wonder you snapped, went insane and totally lost your mind.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, thanks for your understanding.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth, objects have no intrinsic power. A person's future does not depend on some thing. Things are just things. They do not have magical meaning or powers.
[Booth reveals the missing earring]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Where'd you get that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What does it matter? It's just a thing. Right?
[Booth hands her the earring]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My mother's earring.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, uh... magical power over your future.
[Booth gets up and leaves]
Angela Montenegro: Does that prove something?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [looking at Earring] Yeah.
[looking after Booth]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It proves something.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: God, I'm hungry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, when was the last time you ate?
[Brennan rolls her eyes]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, my bad. You have amnesia.
Caroline Julian: I am doing you a favor taking this case, Booth. But as the lady cop says, I'm a prosecutor. And as it stands now, I could try this case in my PJs and still get a conviction.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, shouldn't you get to know your clients before you make snap judgments?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [warningly] Bones...
Caroline Julian: Fine. Stop me when I get something wrong. Trained in three types of martial arts, two assault charges, registered marksman with the NRA, hunting licenses in four states...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You hunt?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Only for food.
Caroline Julian: Shot an unarmed man.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He was trying to set me on fire.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, just... just arrange bail for us, Caroline, so we can get out of here.
Caroline Julian: Sure, sure. Don't want to get this one mad at me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [whispers] You couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We don't make zombies.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: But Jesus rose from the dead after three days.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jesus is not a zombie, alright. Man, I shouldn't have to tell you that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jesus is not a zombie.
"Bones: The Blonde in the Game (#2.4)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Run her through the database, get an ID.Dr. Camille Saroyan: Why don't you just ask him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because the last time Bones saw Epps, it got violent.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You'll be there to protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's not the one who needs protecting. Bones broke his wrist
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [flashback to when Bones broke Epps's wrist] He touched me with his creepy serial killer hands.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Better not take Dr. Brennan.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [telling Brennan, since she wasn't in the interview, that at one point Epps was implying that when Brennan broke his wrist, he couldn't masturbate] He made the point that he really needed his wrist.
Zack Addy: I had some thoughts. Perhaps the point isn't that German is a different language, but that it's actually a different language.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great. Thanks, Zack, for being so helpful.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I got something for you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A bottle of hard liquor?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Next best thing.
[Booth takes a small pig figurine out of his pocket, puts it in the palm of his hand, and moves very close to Brennan]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Meet Jasper.
[Both smiling, Brennan takes Jasper from Booth's hand and looks at it]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're gonna be okay.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [looks at Booth, with tears in her eyes] Yeah?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Definitely.
Howard Epps: Caroline's the best I could do in here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, not your usual type, Howie. I mean, not young, not blonde.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not dead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, could you please shut up?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [getting offended] Excuse me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Epps] Is this why you duct-tape their mouths? Because *that* I understand.
Howard Epps: [leans forward slight pause] That's the lamest attempt at bonding I've ever seen.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well unlike you and Bones, Angela is uh...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's better with the living that she is with the dead.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Fine. I'll go tell her what she just volunteered for.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Entering the suspect's house and finding a dog they encountered earlier] Oh great! Him again. I'll need a pinecone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [advancing on the dog] Listen dog, I will shoot you in the head if you don't cut it out right now!
[dog stops barking]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know you're afraid that Epps turn you into him- into a killer. You have to come to grips the fact that you killed another human being. Because when you kill someone, you know, there's a cost. It's a steep cost. I know... I've done it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I did the right thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know. I was there.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are you on some kind of medication?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Caroline Epps: Dr. Brennan, I'm not one of those crazy women who falls in love with death row killers.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Obviously, that's exactly what you are.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You ever have a dog, Bones?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I always wanted a pig.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A pig?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Very smart. And despite the popular misconception, very clean.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I prefer my pig with a little mint, a little honey glaze...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not funny.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if you had a pet pig, what would you name him?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jasper.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I hate the Serial Killer Wall of Death.
"Bones: The Wannabe in the Weeds (#3.14)" (2008)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How does a former sniper have a grass allergy? I mean wouldn't a sneeze give away your position?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, okay. I worked in the *desert*. Sand. No grass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So presumably he was killed, decapitated, and mulched. Wow. Can it get any worse for this guy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after Booth knocks on a door] Hey, break down the door.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It hurts my shoulder when I break down the door.
Adam Matthews: Then about a month ago, she showed up in the middle of the night, and started banging on the door.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, was she angry?
Adam Matthews: She was wearing a teddy, and high heels. So I'm thinking angry *wasn't* her emotion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're implying she was sexually stimulated.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So were they um -?
[claps his hands]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know. Did they -?
[claps his hands]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did they have sexual intercourse?
Adam Matthews: If they did it was through a locked door.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So... no?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [clapping] Very good, Bones. Okay, let's go.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well this obsession with physical perfection clouds a society's vision. You are oogling that woman!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No! I'm not.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, you are!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just, um, admiring her routine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones arrives at the bar] Finally! One more show tune and I was going to start shooting!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Who's Kelly Clarkson?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: American Idol. "Because of You."
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because of *me*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never mind. Okay, just stay here. Not up there.
[points to the stage]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You enjoy it because you're a superb agent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You think?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of course, since I'm the best in my field. It would be self-destructive for me to work with some who was beneath me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, that's good, because I have to be honest, here. Sometimes I think you feel you're better than me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well objectively, I'm more intelligent-.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See? There you go!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: In certain areas. And in others, I understand my limitations, and I admire your expertise.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Until I was 13, I wanted to be the next Cyndi Lauper.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'd say you were kidding. But I don't think you know how to kid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The guitar string could definitely be the murder weapon.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because it cut the cheese?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because the exemplar wound approximates the tool marks on the victim's C5.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, he knew. He just wanted to say "cut the cheese."
Dr. Jason Bergman: I have nothing to do with clay.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, no? You're totally in the clear.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey! You can't say that! This is *my* place.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I can't just bust into song. I have to have music. And an appropriate atmosphere of frivolity.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Diva! Forensic genius. Best selling author. Better that Cyndi Lauper?
"Bones: The Man in the SUV (#1.2)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're dealing with someone here who devalues an entire culture; terrorizing people by using God to justify mass murder.Dr. Temperance Brennan: You're making it personal. That doesn't help.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It is personal, Bones. All of us die a little bit on one like this.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Trying to track down the doctor?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Don't need him. It's definitely a toxin, but we can't determine what kind.
Zack Addy: Too bad the liver is cooked. That could tell us everything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I need subtitles walking in here.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [discussing a corpse that was blown up in an SUV] I need surgical gloves and masks for the retrieval team, sterile medical bags and vegetable oil.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Vegetable oil?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The oil will loosen the seared body parts stuck to the metal. It's no different than steak on a grill that sticks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why aren't we talking about you and your boyfriend?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't have a boyfriend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just said that as though it's a good thing. And you know what? It's a very, *very* sad comment on your personal life.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Look, you're angry again.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. Listen, Bones, we're heading into a very unknown situation. I think it's best that you just stay in the car.
[Bones glares at him]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, then, you know, if you have to come in with me, you stay *behind* me.
[Bones glares at him]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. Just be careful, all right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after kicking in the door] Okay, anybody asks, that door was open.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [as they're approaching Ladjavardi] I thought you were told to stay away from him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, and as an FBI agent, I cannot disobey my superior. But you're *not* an FBI agent.
Ali Ladjavardi: I'm calling Santana.
[turns around and walks away]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, I don't -
[get in front of Ladjavardi]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't think so.
Ali Ladjavardi: I'm warning you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I wouldn't threaten her if I were you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Look I just want to know where you were in June to see if you poisoned Hamid, and Farid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Subtle.
Ali Ladjavardi: I'm leaving now!
[tries to push pass Bones. She grabs his arm and flips him. Bones puts her foot on his throat]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Told you. She doesn't like to be touched.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after ranting about the FBI] Someone here's really defensive about the FBI lately. You realize Booth is just another government stooge.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: This has nothing to do with Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth arrives and clears his throat] I don't enjoy having squints on my team any more than you like me on yours. But you know, we're *supposed* to be working together, okay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She dyed her hair. She lost weight. You know? She shove a little Botox in the forehead. She's still feeling guilty over the last fight she had with her husband!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, you are an insufferable arrogant... MAN!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, so only a woman could know a woman? I thought women wanted us to understand them.
Angela Montenegro: [moving closer to them] Not really a magician never *wants* to reveal her tricks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [turns to Angela] We're having a *private* conversation.
Angela Montenegro: I'm not here.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Angela tells them she talked to Booth's girlfriend] She's *spying* for you?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. No!
Zack Addy: If you have nothing in common, it's difficult to sublimate intense sexual attraction.
[Bones glares at Zack]
Zack Addy: And we hear it's been a while.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Okay, stop.
Angela Montenegro: He is *there* for the taking, honey.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth arrives] Okay I couldn't get his medical records.
[everyone stops and looks at Booth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Nothing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I told them to tell the Press it was an undercover operation.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: But it would be a Rose Garden Ceremony.... That's an honor, right?... I thought you FBI guys liked your medals.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No pleasure in taking someone's life.
[finishes his drink]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing to celebrate.
"Bones: The Skull in the Sculpture (#4.7)" (2008)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [after Dr. Sweets tells Daisy that she is fired, they decide to come out with their relationship and begin making out on the forensic platform] That's a method of termination I've never tried. But bravo, Dr. Sweets.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. They'll never work. They're like complete opposites.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree. For all her faults she's a woman of science. Sweets bases his life on the vagaries of psychology and emotion. You know, there's no common ground.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You need common ground. What else is there?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Absolutely.
[Then Bones and Booth look intently towards each other]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you're relying on superstition for safety perhaps I should carry the gun.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. You are definitely *not* carrying the gun!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Booth is picking a lock] Look, if anybody asks, the door was open.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it isn't.
[Booth turns and looks at her]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Ahh right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones about Anton Deluca] All right, someone I understand less than you.
Angela Montenegro: So you brought me along. What can I do to help you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I want you to be an artist, okay? And uh, keep me from looking like an idiot.
Angela Montenegro: Not positive I can do both.
Anton Deluca: [as Booth is handcuffing Anton] When this case falls apart, I get out tomorrow, want to grab some dinner or something?
Angela Montenegro: You're kidding.
Anton Deluca: Well, I hear the gate swings both ways. Maybe we get some threesome action. You, me, Hottie Roxie.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
[Booth slams Anton's head against the table]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, all right, if you're gonna hit on Angela, you should do it with a little respect. Okay? Let's go.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's going on?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Sweets is firing Daisy for us.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We're wondering what his method will be.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He'll explain to her logically that this environment is not conducive for either her or us and, as a scientist, she'll realize that he's right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, Sweets is a lot sneakier than that. He'll use some kind of psychological Jedi mind trick to make her think it was her idea to quit.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?
Daisy Wick: The bad first.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're toast here. Nobody wants to work with you.
Daisy Wick: Why?
Dr. Lance Sweets: You know why, Daisy. There are some things that you have to work on when it comes to interpersonal relations.
Daisy Wick: Does anybody like me?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, I'm afraid not.
Daisy Wick: What's the good news?
Dr. Lance Sweets: There's absolutely no reason for us to be discreet about our relationship anymore.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. You wanna explain this to me?
Roxie Lyon: Uh. Recently, Geoffrey's been talking about finding a way to make himself a part of the art.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you mean literally?
Helen Bridenbecker: [Reverently] The ultimate artistic act.
Roxie Lyon: Geoffrey was depressed, and he said he felt like he'd reached his limit as an artist.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We'd like to show you a picture of the remains only if you're up for it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Pointing to a photo] I suggest you don't look at the person, but rather this distinct ring.
Helen Bridenbecker: That's Geoffrey.
Roxie Lyon: I know that ring. I designed it myself. It's Geoffrey.
Helen Bridenbecker: [Softly] Bravo, Geoffrey.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You are an extremely unlikable woman.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How long have you and Thorne hated each other?
Anton Deluca: You can write down since before the Big Bang.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, no, there was no before before the Big Bang. Because time didn't exist. If there are no organizing properties...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I'm just gonna write down it's been awhile.
Roxie Lyon: [Being questioned by Booth while Sweets is observing through the two way mirror] I was Geoffrey Thorne's assistant for almost four years.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay, I suggest you start with the mundane, and then work yourself up to the sexual stuff.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, did you have a sexual relationship with your boss?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay. That's the total opposite of my suggestion.
Angela Montenegro: Yes. Roxy is gay. At least she was when we were together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In school?
Angela Montenegro: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you heard rumors.
Angela Montenegro: No, I have firsthand knowledge.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you walked in on her. That's awkward.
Angela Montenegro: No. We were together. For over a year.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow! You and, uh, Roxy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have a problem with that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. I was just processing the information there. That's all. And, in doing so, I was... envisioning you and her, you know, together and, uh... Well not both together... but... Really?
Caroline Julian: Okay, I got the injunction removed. You are free to crack open the car and remove the remains.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks, Caroline. You are da bomb.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why is *she* the bomb?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. *Da* bomb.
"Bones: The Tough Man in the Tender Chicken (#5.6)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, so you want me to go ask the Defense Department if their experimental Super Soldier is half-man half-chicken?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Now you're just delving into pure science fiction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Like a flatworm that's not science fiction. Or half-chicken that's not considered science fiction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly] Everything okay there, Bones? I know when there's something wrong with you. Something's wrong, right? What can I do to help?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Angela and I had a fight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Loudly] Nothing I can do to help!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You want to hear about it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Why not?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because her and Angela are best friends. And Bones is gonna want me to take her side and agree that Angela was wrong. And then you know, the two of them are going to make up and then they're going to get mad at me. So no thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, I would do anything for you. I would die for you. I would kill for you. But I am *not* getting between two best friends.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth grabs Bones's hand as she's leaving] Whoa. Whoa. Listen Bones, everything's going to be okay between you and Angela. All right? You two are like sisters.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm just... not used to not getting along with people.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Seriously? Because it seems like -
[the table thumps]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thanks Booth.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You noticed something. See? You still got it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not going to ask me what I saw?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do I want to know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No... Do you want to know anyway?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I can wait... I trust you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I thought Hodgins might have something on this whole... suspended animation thing.
Angela Montenegro: Hey, you listened to *Hodgins*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I listened to *Wendell*.
Angela Montenegro: [Looking through a DARPA file] There's no photograph in here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: DARPA doesn't give out any photos. You give me the reconstruction though, I can show them that and they can tell us if we got their guy. So... what do you have?
Angela Montenegro: [She exchanges a look with Brennan] Okay. Before you... freak out, you should know that I double and triple checked the measurements and indicators.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Insulted] Okay, I don't freak out.
[Looking at Brennan, softly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do I freak out?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Some- sometimes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can we just see the images please?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Is Angela good or is she good?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Those are the same question.
Dr. Lance Sweets: If you combine your don't get between women rule and you're like sisters observation, you know what I come up with? You dated sisters.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Smiles] They were identical twins.
[Smile deepens. Laughs]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, and it was all wrong.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Big smile, impressed] Oh! No. It's all right. It's all right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You wanna see the fastest draw in the West?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
[He doesn't move]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Smiling] You wanna see it again?
"Bones: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: When the FBI gets stuck, we call in the squints.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Squints?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you squint at things.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, you mean people with high IQ's and basic reasoning skill?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones identifies bodies for us.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Don't call me Bones, and I do more than identify.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That guy bleeds to death, Bones will go on trial for attempted murder. You don't want that, now, do you?
Oliver Laurier: I wouldn't want that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Besides, you know, uh, applying pressure that can be very painful.
[Oliver shrugs again, nods once, and shuffles over to stop the bleeding]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are you trying to do?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Blackmail you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Blackmail a federal agent.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't like it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm fairly certain you're not supposed to.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. You're in.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's it going to take?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Full participation in the case.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Not just lab work. Everything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? You want me to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You expect me, a federal agent, to declare war on a United States senator based on your little holographic crystal ball?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's not magic. It's a logical recreation of events based on evidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A decomposed corpse was found this morning at Arlington National Cemetery...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Arlington National Cemetery is full of decomposed corpses. It's... a cemetery.
[Booth and Bones are looking in a lake for a body]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What, exactly, am I supposed to be *squinting* at?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's like pornography - you'll know when you see it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I find you very condescending
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me? I'm condescending? I'm not the one who has to mention that she's got a doctorate every 5 minutes
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I am the one with the doctorate
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you want, to spit in my hand? We're Scully and Mulder.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means
"Bones: The Santa in the Slush (#3.9)" (2007)
Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't understand has there been some kind of crisis?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. I have a crisis.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [quietly] Bones, it was just mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Not the kiss. That was nothing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You *kissed*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Was there tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, you know what? Get your own sex life.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That has nothing to do with sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was no s- It was mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Totally sexless.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after kissing Booth] It was like kissing my brother.
Caroline Julian: You sure must like your brother.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She does.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones is hanging mistletoe in her office] What is with the mistletoe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was going to talk to you about this. Caroline wants us to kiss under the mistletoe.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's the only way she'll make Christmas for my family.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What, by having us kiss?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because she's feeling puckish.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Puckish? What's that mean?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Listen, Booth, she's gonna be here any second. Do you want some gum?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, my breath is just fine. Alright, look, I'll have a talk with Caroline.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [surprised] No?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm only telling you out of professional courtesy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So that you won't be surprised.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, when you say kiss, you mean like kiss-kiss, like on both cheeks?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, the lips.
[Booth gives a little apprehensive smile]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Like brother and sister. Colleagues. French people meeting on the street.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Caroline's feeling puckish, huh?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It means playful and impish.
Caroline Julian: [Caroline walks in] Congratulations. I hear you have a suspect in the Santa slaying.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Well, it looks like the Easter Bunny has nothing to worry about.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did you talk to the judge about the trailer?
Caroline Julian: Yes, I did. What about your end?
[Bones points to the mistletoe]
Caroline Julian: Well! Look at that. Mistletoe. You take a step to your right, you'll be right under the cute little sprig.
[She shoves Booth so he's standing under the mistletoe with Bones. He stammers a slight protest, gives up, and he and Bones kiss]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Was that enough steamboats?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [She and Booth have just kissed under the mistletoe] Was that enough steamboats?
Caroline Julian: Plenty. A whole flotilla.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't know what that means, but, um, Merry Christmas.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't understand, has there been some kind of crisis?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, I have a crisis.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, it was just mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not the kiss, that was nothing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You kissed?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: *Mistletoe.*
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not the crisis.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Was there tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, you know what, get your own sex life.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Scoffs] That has nothing to do with sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was no... it was... mistletoe.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It was totally sexless.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm all ears.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, who is a very honest person, says that at this time of year deception is necessary for the happiness of little children.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, I'm being misquoted.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Booth is absolutely right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She got the gist...
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah, there's a fictional element to Christmas.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You mean the whole 'Birth of a Savior' rigamarole.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It is *not* rigamarole.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, no. Dr. Brennan, it's the feeling of Christmas. What people call the Christmas spirit. It's a kind of dream or hope we carry with us from childhood. But as adults...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you including you in that?
Dr. Lance Sweets: As adults we're imbued by the pragmatic ruitines of life, which makes it difficult for us to regard anything with childlike wonder. But, you know, it's alright for us to try. We put on silly hats, and drape trees with sparkly lights, and wrap gifts in garish paper, and that's good for us. It's not only alright for us to allow children the transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility.
[Bones and Booth contemplate that for a bit]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I found that very helpful.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Scoffs] It's what I've been saying for the past four days.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones while questioning a roomful of men working as Santa for the holiday] Any ideas?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: C'mon, think, Bones. Paint a picture. It's gotta be one of these guys. I mean, half of these guys owe Kringle money.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: One of them's a pick pocket.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah, gets money from the Egyptian...
Santa Larry: Look... Could we go?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cool your jets, Santa! Go have a cookie and some... eggnog.
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Kringle gets suspicious, catches the pick pocketer dumping the wallet in the dumpster, confronts him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We have to sniff their behinds.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We have to sniff- You lost me there.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to the Santas] Alright, everybody up against the wall! Or, okay, put your hands on the table.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: First of all, that's my job. And second... why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: They fought. They rolled around through the bird's nest soup goop.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Good thinking. That's good. Except for the sniffing their butts thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sniffing the backsides of each guy's Santa costume] Geez! Alright, this is officially the worst Christmas ever.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones over the phone. She is celebrating Christmas with Max, her brother and his family in a trailer at prison] Listen, Bones, uh... I got a little something for you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, I got you something, too, Booth. We can exchange gifts in a couple days.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Go to the window and open up the blinds now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What?
[She opens the blinds and sees Booth and Parker outside the perimeter fence. The car's hood is up and the lights are on. Booth attaches a cord to the battery, and he lights up a Christmas tree he's set up next to the car. Booth and Parker wave at her]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, everybody, it looks like we got our tree after all.
[They all join her at the window, looking at the tree, the kids laughing and excited]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I love my gift, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Merry Christmas, Bones.
[about the victim's many, many Christmas decorations]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This guy was committed!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Should have been.
"Bones: Fire in the Ice (#4.12)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [opening the door] Hey. You two all right?... What?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Want to wait outside?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But your hand might be broken. Do you want me to look at it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, that's all right. You can wait outside. It's the Men's Locker room, Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Picking up a necklace on the victim] Wait a second.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you're not wearing any gloves!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I... do you remember that guy I punched out last month during my hockey game, Pete Carlson?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. When you broke your hand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [indicating the body] That's him... I'm a suspect.
[Hands Bones the necklace and leaves]
Special Agent Payton Perotta: So, no alibi for that night or the next?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones and I are just partners.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: ...Okay... Now you're answering questions I had no intention of asking.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: Do you feel you experience as a child of an abusive alcoholic has made you more prone to violence?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...Excuse me.
[Booth leaves interrogation and goes into the Oberservation room]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell are you doing here?
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's part of my job to assist the interrogating agent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know I didn't murder anyone, Sweets! All right? So what you're doing right now is studying me!
Dr. Lance Sweets: That's part of our agreement too.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Underneath your affable exterior is a deep reservoir of rage. My question is: Do you always have that under control?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if I didn't, you'd be dead right now instead of just wincing!
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm not wincing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't ever bring my old man up again!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, I've killed but I've never murdered before. Look up the difference in your little black book there, okay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Waking up after getting hit by another Hockey player] Bones, what are you doing on the ice?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I get nervous when you fall down and don't get up.
Wendell Bray: [Still disoriented after he gets knocked out during a hockey game] Don't worry. I got the blood.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Good work, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I'm* Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That Agent Perotta, she really... enjoyed working with us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But, uh, you're the only FBI Agent I want to work with.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [while ice skating] Hey, you know what? Forget about Agent Perotta, all right? Nothing gonna change between me and you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well entropy is a natural force that pulls everything apart at a subatomic level. Everything changes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not everything, Bones.
[gives Bones a push]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Bones laughs] Don't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not everything.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're gonna make me fall.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm never gonna make you fall. I'm always here.
"Bones: The Baby in the Bough (#3.12)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tax shelter? Exactly how loaded are you?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well *that* is an offensive way to phrase the question, but... quite loaded. I'm betting a seven figure advance for my next book.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Seven figures? Wow! Without the decimal point?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The publisher makes considerably more.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's the first of those seven figures?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: A prime number. What do you do with your money?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Use it for food, rent.
Sheriff Delpy: Barely a scratch on the boy. It's a miracle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hardly, Car seats are specifically emgineered to protect the child.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From what? Flying out of the back of the car and landing in a tree?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh look at him, Bones. He looks a little fussy there. Why don't you pick him up and give him a cuddle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Just because I have breasts doesn't mean I have magical powers over infants. You're the one with a son.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. Fine. I'll take him. Here you go.
[hands the diaper bag to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You have fun with the diaper bag. You look good.
[picking up the baby]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come here little man.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh no. He must've...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...swallowed it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [handing the baby to Bones] Okay here you go. Get used to him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What do you mean?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That key was evidence. You know how chain of custody works. The kid stays with us until we get the key back.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't understand. He's been fed, he's changed. I patted him. And now he's just complaining.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He's acting like a real kid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No one filled a report, Booth. No one's worried about him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well you are.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [pulling up to the victim's home] Front door is open, you stay here.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, there's a *baby* involved. You hear gunfire, anything like that, drive away!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not leaving you!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes you will! Because this is about the *baby*, *not* me. Promise me!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [pause; Bones looks at the baby then at Booth] I promise.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: First the key, now jewelry! What's next? You gonna let him play with a bowling ball?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm *watching* him!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have no idea what that place is like, Booth. Med students, under funded, under staffed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: His mother is dead. His father is a felon. I've been in his situation, Booth. I'm *not* turning him over until I'm satisfied he is somewhere safe, where he'll get the care he deserves!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. He can stay with us... for now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think he's making the face again.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as he's changing the diaper] I'm serious, Bone. *Next* time, *you're* changing the diaper!
"Bones: Harbingers in a Fountain (#5.1)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What did you want to tell me?Special Agent Seeley Booth: That I love you... In a professional, 'atta girl' kind of way.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: 'Atta girl' kind of way? Right back at'cha Booth. I love you too. 'Atta Boy.'
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] I got it. I got it. Just relax. Just trust me, alright? I'll take care of you. Shhh, I got you. Breathe. I'll take care of you I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I got you baby.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am back baby! Huh? Special Agent Seely Joseph Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes! We're back.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're the one who told me never to look happy at a crime scene.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. We'll look happy after we find out who did this horrible crime and get them behind bars.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, um. That place I went to. You know, in my coma dream, it was just - Bones and I were so real...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You're in love with Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: My advice for what it's worth. Forget the bruised brain and go with the lion heart.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. Yeah, and uh, tell Bones how I feel.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yes. *Except* be sure about your feelings. Because if you crack that shell, and you change your mind, she'll die of loneliness before she'll ever trust anyone again.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, Ang. You know it's... my first case back. You know it's been a long day. Maybe I got something to prove. Sorry, you look - you look beautiful.
[Angela chuckles and kisses him on the forehead]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh. Woul dyou like *me* to kiss you on the forehead too?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure.
[Bones chuckles and walks away]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Now, I think you and I both know Dr. Brennan's hyper rationality is really just a cover for her vulnerable and sensitive core.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh great. So we're talking about Bones's brains too here.
Dr. Lance Sweets: So if you breach those defenses and you don't really love her... Left you hard copies.
Caroline Julian: That's a lot of blood.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm fine. This is Bones's blood.
Caroline Julian: That's supposed to be good?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's fine. They fixed her and uh, sent her home.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Brennan has been stabbed; a knife is sticking from her arm and is bleeding profusely] Bones! Bones, you alright?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, your arm.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh God...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, don't pull it out, don't touch it.
[she pulls the knife out]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones... easy, I got you. I got you, it's okay. It's alright.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He tried to kill me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Alright.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, easy. Ambulance is on its way, okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Gotta keep the pressure on the wound...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I got it. I got it, just relax. Just trust me, alright? I'll take care of you. Ssshhh, I got you. Breathe. I'll take care of you. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere, I got you. I got you, baby.
"Bones: A Boy in a Tree (#1.3)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [flashes his badge] FBI Special Agent Seely Booth and a forensic anthropologist.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian Institute.
Zack Addy: Plus one crack assistant.
Mickey Santana: In order for an investigation to occur, you, Dr. Brennan, have to declare it a murder.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Without an investigation, we can't find out if it's a murder, but there'll be no investigation unless Dr. Brennan declares it to be a murder.
[to Brennan]
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Shall I send for a philosopher?
Mickey Santana: Look, you're very experienced within your field, on bones and such, right? Doesn't your gut say "suicide"?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't actually use my gut for that, sir.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She really, really doesn't.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Like all of us at the Jeffersonian, Dr. Brennan prefers science to the digestive tract.
Mickey Santana: [to Booth] What about your gut?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My gut says it stinks.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: [to Brennan] If he smells with his gut, what does he use his nose for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [reading the school sign aloud] Omnia Mea Mecum Porto. What does that mean: regular people stay out?
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Zack Addy: I carry with me all my things.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've been thinking about your whole "something stinks" aptitude.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh yeah?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I think you have a subconscious knack for reading body language. Stress in the voice, other subtle yet discernible indicators. It's not mysterious, but it is impressive, and in the future...
[deep breath]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: ...I will try to accord it an appropriate degree of objective worth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you, Temperance. I appreciate that. So, uh, what part of "this is mine" did you not understand? Have to say it in Latin?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [gets up slowly, smiling slightly, and hands him the access pass he wanted while saying] Absit invidia.
["Let ill will be absent", i.e. "No offense"]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You were right about the school, serving pudding.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stirring the pudding...
Headmaster: Given your hostility, it's time we bring in a lawyer to advise us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Or you take my advice. If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in handcuffs.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [after catching the head that fell from the tree] I am going to need an evidence bag.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Heads up!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [the body falls from the tree] I am going to need a bigger bag.
Zack Addy: Sometime, when you're not busy, I wonder if I could ask you a few questions about sexual positions?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If you even try, I will take out my gun and shoot you between the eyes.
Headmaster Ronson: How is that relevant?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know what's a better question? What makes you think you get to decide what's relevant? You're basically the pricipal of a high school.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We need to see all of the sex tapes you confiscated.
Headmaster Ronson: Absolutely not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I'll just get a warrant. And in the application for the warrant I'll include your admission that you allow your students to swap homemade sex tapes.
Leo Sanders: The headmaster isn't refusing to provide you with the tapes.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: "Absolutely not" sounds like a refusal.
Leo Sanders: When we confiscate the tapes, we immediately turn them over to loacl law enforcement.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sherrif Roach knew about this?
Leo Sanders: No need to issue a warrant. We're cooperating completely.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Was the girl also a student here?
Headmaster Ronson: Given your hostility, it's time we bring in a lawyer to advise us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Or you take my advice. If you don't answer my questions, I'll take you down to FBI headquarters in handcuffs.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He'll do it. He doesn't like you.
[Booth shakes his head]
"Bones: The Blackout in the Blizzard (#6.16)" (2011)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Booth wants to get some bench seats that have been left on the curb] Uh, didn't you hear what I said? There's body.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Which will still be dead if we get there 15 minutes late. Come on, Bones. Please. They're from the Vet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to his cellphone] You're Emergency Services. This is an emergency. We are trapped in an elevator. There's two of us. If you could just - just send - No. No. No. Nobody's hurt, but listen okay? There is a killer virus out there that only *we* can stop. So just get someone out here *now* or - Hello?... He hung up . He didn't believe me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh and here - for light.
[Starts to pass down a menorah]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: DON'T!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: SWEETS!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Don't move!
Dr. Lance Sweets: What? It's a menorah.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you know what would've happened to your arm if the elevator would've started moving again?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Extensive trauma to your radius and ulna. Perhaps even spontaneous amputation.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I feel... a little sick.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Knell down. I'll show you.
[Bones forces Booth to his knees]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, hello. Uh do-do you want to get on my shoulders.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Sweets enters] Hey, Mrs. Ross sent some snacks.
[Sweets notices the position they're in]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Hello.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hello. Why is everyone saying "hello?"
Dr. Lance Sweets: Uh... I'm sorry. Should I - is this a bad -?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hello. She wants to sit on my shoulders.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Traditionally, people do that the other way around.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I know you two have been forthcoming about your feelings for each other in the past.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And the past is the past.
Dr. Lance Sweets: But as a couple...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, Booth and I are not a couple.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I understand. I'm just saying...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stop! Just stop. Listen to my words:... It... is... over!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Agent Booth, I just think that
[Booth throws a bag of frozen peas at Sweets]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't ever mention Hanna again. You understand?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My dad and I were there. He quit drinking - for about 2 weeks. Long enough to remember that I was his kid. Best day of my life.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So do you think you could reclaim a part of that day?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's just history, that's all. It's our one perfect day.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth needs to say something to you.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No he doesn't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Right. About earlier - look, I'm sorry.
Dr. Lance Sweets: It's okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? What's okay? Booth didn't say anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're guys.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Everything's fine now, Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Making love would be... quite satisfying.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...Yeah... but then what? I mean as a couple. You and me...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it would never work.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm... quite strong.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well, you've always been strong.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You know the difference between stength and imperviousness, right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, not if you're going to get all scientific on me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, a substance that is impervious to damage doesn't need to be strong.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hmm.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: When you and I met. I was an impervious substance. Now I'm a strong substance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I think I know what you mean.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: A time could come when you aren't angry any more and I'm strong enough to risk losing the last of my imperviosness. Maybe then we could try to be together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Im just angry, really angry. Not at you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [sigh of relief] Okay
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just need time, thats all. I just need time to kinda hang back and find that inner peace before I, you know, get back out there. You know what we're talking about here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You and me, you know, and love and happiness and life and fate.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I dont believe in fate, but I know what we're talking about.
"Bones: The End in the Beginning (#4.25)" (2009)
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: You know that glass of wine we share every night?Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: I have to stop that.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Oh come on, Bren. Just because you have one glass of wine every night with your husband, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: That's not why.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: [pause realizes what she means] No?
[Bren chuckles]
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah! You're pregnant? A little boy, huh?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Or girl.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're awake. Your operation was a success, but you reacted poorly to the anesthia. You've been in a coma for 4 days.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It felt so real.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It wasn't real.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Who are you?
Detective Camille Saroyan: Good morning, I'm Detective Saroyan.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Yeah, I know who you are. You're my brother's partner.
Jared Booth: She prefers the term "boss."
Detective Camille Saroyan: Official visit. See the badge?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Cam says the reason I didn't hear the gunshot is because I'm cheating on you.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Oh, well Jared thinks I'm the killer. He's helping me get away with it.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: So you're a murderer. I'm unfaithful. We are an exciting couple.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Max told me he works for the Gravedigger.
[Booth scoffs]
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: He told me something else. He said that Jared works for him too.
[Booth groans]
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Don't get so mad. Max could be lying.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Look, I'm mad because I don't find it hard to believe at all.
Lance Sweets: Hey, so uh, we're Gormagon. Um, I mean the name of the band is Gormagon. Some people think I'm Gormagon, but I'm not. It's like there's no one named Floyd in Pink Floyd.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Just play Sweets.
Lance Sweets: Yeah.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: [Quietly to Booth] Gormagon's a stupid name. What does it even mean?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: What about entertainment?
Angela Montenegro: I thought Sweets was fantabulisticulous.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Nah. We got the Crue.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: What crew?
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Should I be upset that everyone thinks we're murderers, or just happy that everyone is trying to help us get away with it?
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: You should recognize that everything they do to help us, make us look more guilty, especially you.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: Poor Cam, and Jerod. You know if this murder is any indication, I don't know how any homicide is ever solved. Everyone lies. Everyone has a secret agenda. I'm glad we're nightclub owners, not crime solvers.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: I know who the killer is.
Temperance 'Bren' Brennan: So do I.
Wendell Bray: What's goin' on, boss?
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: Oh, I got a meeting with an angry gang banger in the alley. Why?
Wendell Bray: I got my gun.
Seeley 'Mr. B' Booth: You got a gun?
Wendell Bray: He's the leader of gang who's killed people and he hates your guts. I ain't no mathematician, but that adds up bad.
"Bones: The Predator in the Pool (#5.18)" (2010)
Dr. Catherine Bryar: A season law enforcement agent who still has empathy for victim. I'm glad to know you're out there.Special Agent Seeley Booth: At your service.
Dr. Catherine Bryar: I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime?... Maybe this weekend? Unless of course, I'm a suspect, cause I know you can't date me if I'm a suspect, right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I - I can't date anyone who's a suspect.
Dr. Catherine Bryar: I understand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, right. It's FBI, rules regulations.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [On the phone] Bones says "Hello."
Andrew Hacker: Hello. Tell her, I'm really looking forward to our date.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did you want to speak to each other, or was there something you wanted to tell me, sir?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should take the fish back to the lab.
Marilyn Stoddard: No, you can't! These are gifts from Morrocco.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: They need to be tested for trace evidence in a murder investigation.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We'll get them back to you. Don't worry.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I may or may not get them back to you.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, no, it's pretty tough to tell your average 9 year old from your average psychopath.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't say that, all right? I have a kid nearly that age.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Children are still forming their sense of ethics at this age. Like I said, they're basically sociopaths.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: She's easily as pretty as I am. I mean... using me as a standard.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you *are* the standard.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Andrew is not as handsome as you. Using you as a standard. He is, however, taller. Catherine isn't as smart as I am.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I'm not as smart as Hacker.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, you once said he's a doofus.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He *is* a doofus, smart doofus.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins has just performed an experiment] See?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [on phone] No, I don't see. I'm in another place. I'm driving a car.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, if you were here, you'd be very impressed.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hit him with the filter, Booth. That's your connection.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [very concerned] Hodgins means metaphorically, Booth. If you hit a Russian mobster with an actual filter, he'd probably just impale you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, well, that's great. Thanks for the tip.
Grace Redmon: SPOILER I went to nine of his seminars. I have fibromyalgia and that bastard convinced me that if I just faced my fears, that magically all of this pain would just disappear. He lied.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So you brought a group of fourth graders along as an alibi for murder?
Grace Redmon: No, it was a coincidence. He took me back to see this poisonous fish. "Come face your fears," he said. Last thing he should have said to me right then. I'll tell you what, though. He might have been on to something, that bastard. Because ever since I shoved his lying face into that poisonous fish, I haven't felt any pain.
"Bones: The Girl with the Curl (#2.7)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't you have work to do?Dr. Jack Hodgins: Don't you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, Right.
Angela Montenegro: Childhood should be all about swings.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Swings?
Angela Montenegro: You know how high can I go, if I twist the chains how fast will I spin.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Or if I try and jump off before the swing stops.
Angela Montenegro: Exactly.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I miss that feeling.
Angela Montenegro: Yeah me too.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I miss organic chemistry class, those were good times.
Zack Addy: I miss my first microscope.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great, yeah and I miss normal people can we go on?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Oh it gets better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sarcastically] How can it not?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why don't you go mingle.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because you're a girl
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ok, c'mon Bones up you go.
Girl: Wow, you have huge muscles!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks,
[leans toward Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Learn anything?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah, I learned about cankles, how about you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I found a possible suspect.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [as Angela is doing a sketch on the computer] Factor in the teeth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, you know, because this isn't weird enough.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: People have done much worse for beauty - neck stretching, foot binding...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, you're saying that makes it ok?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, of course not. Any major alteration of our underlying architecture demeans us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So mom bound, starved, and drugged her?
[sarcastically]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's heartwarming.
Security Guard: How does feeling nine-year-old girls help you solve a murder?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: One of them is the murderer. I know that's hard to believe...
Security Guard: You know? It's really not.
"Bones: The Man in the Bear (#1.4)" (2005)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What if I have to shoot? What part of his body should I hit?Special Agent Seeley Booth: The part that isn't me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, you're nuts, okay? We get it. We don't need to hear the rambling psycho-speech on why you did it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're a smart-ass, you know that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Objectively, I'd say I'm very smart. Although it has nothing to do with my ass.
Sheriff Chris Scutter: We see this kind of thing all the time - kids come up here, get baked, do their own version of the Blair Witch Project.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Horror movie, Bones... didn't make any sense.
Sheriff Chris Scutter: Scary, though, with the bloody handprints.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Does a bear scat in the woods?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Do you realize when we go to trial he could use the insanity defense.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The guy *is* nuts.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes, but is he nuts because he got a brain disease from eating human flesh, *or* was he already nuts the first time he ate flesh, *or* did he just lick his fingers after surgery?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I should just become a vegetarian.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Or, as an alternative, just don't eat people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you're a smart ass, you know that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, although it has nothing to do with my ass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [gives Temperance a gun] This is only for self-defence
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What part do I aim for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Any part that isn't me.
"Bones: The Rocker in the Rinse Cycle (#5.19)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no, no! We are *not* going to be discussing your daughter's sex life. Because A: she's a good girl. She doesn't have sex. And B: you're touching a dead body.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't follow your logic.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'm always touching a dead body, Seely.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, can somebody just please remove the eyeball.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Picks up the object] This is not an eyeball.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is it?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: I'll put it this way, our victim was male.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would you rather us going back to talking about lady parts?
Erik Dalton: Hey, what are you doing baby? Can I help you with something?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have no expertise that would be of value to me.
Erik Dalton: I wouldn't be so sure. Why don't you come sit next to me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me. I really like your music, doesn't mean I'm not going to clock you, all right? Let's focus.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You hear that? That is our song. Remember? "Hot Blooded."
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Last time we sang that song, Booth. Someone tried to kill you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, but it was fun up until the blast, right? Come on!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay. To a true fan, the fact that Richard Cole was playing the ultimate guitar would be sacriligious. Profane, even. Fact that the killer put it back in Cole's room rather than destroy it further demonstrates his reverence for Rock-N-Roll.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So you're saying music is the motive?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I know it's wrong, but I am liking our killer better than our victim.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Our partnership is still important to me. You know that right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure. Yeah. Die for your partner. That's the way I look at it.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, everything you've learned about the victim, uh... indicates that he was only interested in the external signifiers of the rock and roll lifestyle. Correct?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. The clothes, the instruments, the groupers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Groupies, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're a very good singer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you, Bones. You play guitar in a very interesting fashion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I liked Andrew's taste in music, except for a band called Led Zeppelin.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [offended] "Except for a band called Led Zeppelin"?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wh-... You kidding me? Led Zeppelin is, like, the best rock and roll band ever. I mean, they had a reunion tour in '07 in London. I would have *killed* for those tickets!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Really? My publisher offered me tickets, but when I heard "zeppelin", I thought it was for some sort of air show.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Air show? You turned down what probably was the last concert that Zeppelin would ever play?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you going to kill me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're unbelievable!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, it's just a band, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not just a band, okay? This is *Led Zeppelin*. You know what? I am your partner. You offer your partner those kind of things.
"Bones: The Man in the Mansion (#2.14)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I slept with Sully last night.Special Agent Seeley Booth: I thought you already...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well, it's really none of my business.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Except that we're partners.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, there's that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And you told me about your socks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, sex, socks, they're pretty much the same word.
Caroline Julian: I already got no proof how the victim got hold of that heroin. Now you're saying I can't put Hodgins on the stand? Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't wanna know the answer to that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why doesn't she wanna know?
Caroline Julian: As the prosecutor in this case, I'm obliged to share everything I know with the defense.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just because Clarissa Bancroft and I...
Caroline Julian: Whoa! Goodnight!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just don't get it.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: What? I'm asking for guy advice. You are a guy. What's not to get?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: First of all, guys, they don't ask for advice. And secondly, I am not gonna help you get my partner into bed.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Why not? It's not like you want her.
[Booth doesn't answer but looks decidedly uncomfortable]
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Unless... do you want her?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nah. Come on, Bones is, you know, she's my partner.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: Ohh, that's why you need psychiatric treatment - because you have the hots for your partner!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I figure, a guy like you, I resign, that puts things right between us. Do we need to discuss it past that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are we, girls?
[to the person behind the counter]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: A piece of pie for my friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [speaking of prosecutor and defense] Oh, they were married.
[squints look at Booth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They have a daughter, second year at M.I.T.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Does anyone else see the irony here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Good job, Hodgins.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, not 'good job, Hodgins'! He might've blown the whole case!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I told him it is *not* a problem.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What happened?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I don't care what he does on his time off. But when he screws around with evidence to get in the pants of an old girlfriend on one of *my* murder cases, that's a *problem!*
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Wow- those socks! Those are amazing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's right. The socks, the tie, the belt buckle- all escape valves from my socioeconomic rage.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I hate psychology.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you know, they help meal with the day to day irritations of dealing with people that are more privileged.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I slept with Sully last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, I thought you already, uh...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Last night.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh. It's really none of my business.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Except, we're partners.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, there's that.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And you told me about your socks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sex, socks- pretty much the same word.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Do we have a case or are you just visiting?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah! It's messy. Better get some protection.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Let me get my gum boots.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to himself] Yeah. I'm gonna need a flashier tie.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: One of the Squints - Hodgins - decided the rules, they didn't apply to him. He got entitled and jeopardized my murder case.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Ah, and you confronted him physically.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Physical confrontation - that's my main skill.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: "Entitled," you said. Is he a wealthy man?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, like the guy who got killed.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: The murder victim... who tried to help a child and then died for it? And your... uh... Squint?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, Squint.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Extraordinary. Your Squint tried to help a friend. So they both endeavored to do good.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: With no clue of the way things are.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: The way things are, as defined by a working class lad from Pittsburgh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's right. Pittsburgh, where I'm from, all right? From the streets. Where you get a sense of how the world really is.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Yes, I'm sure that's true. But has it occurred to you that without the distortion of reality provided by a privileged upbringing, there'd be no such thing as the Sistine Chapel, the Taj Mahal, the Three Rivers Stadium, home of your beloved Steelers?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The Three Rivers Stadium was demolished in 2000. But it was a great place, though, that Lambert...
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: No doubt. The point is, you rebel in your way, your friend rebels in his. We all of us have to overcome our upbringing, rich and poor alike.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: You know what? I'm going to ask you to go back to your bilious socks and your ostentatious ties, and your provocative belt buckles.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What, you're saying that if I wear flashy socks, I'm going to forgive Hodgins?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: [chuckling] Oh Lord, I'm not sure I'm that good. Well, perhaps I am... hmm.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, hey, Doc, Doc, Doc, um... W-why is it that the, uh, the belt buckle is provocative?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Oh, it's a modern day codpiece. It forces the eye to the groin.
"Bones: The Secret in the Soil (#3.4)" (2007)
Dr. Lance Sweets: There is clearly a very deep emotional bond between you two.Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're just partners.
Dr. Lance Sweets: And why do you think I would have thought otherwise?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause, you're 12.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Look at all the cars. I thought the VA hospital was closed?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it is, Bones, but I mean, c'mon. It's the weekend, alright? An abandoned building surrounded by acres of secluded land, huh? Use your imagination.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [looks confused]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Teenagers, hormones...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're saying they came here to fornicate.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's... nice image. Very, uh, biblical.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Let's talk about conflict. When you guys argue, how do you come to a resolution?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We don't argue.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Come on! Remember?
[indicates his office]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Zone of truth. Right here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. We might... bicker a little bit, but that's not arguing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Bicker? I don't bicker!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No? What about the whole environmentalism thing?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That was a discussion.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You pretty much told me my penis was gonna shrink if I didn't eat organic food.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not bickering. That's being a good friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My penis is just fine, thank you.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [on the phone with Bones and Booth] Are you guys heading towards a giant compost heap?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] It's wrong how excited he sounds.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, is that the test from Dr. Sweets?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Holding the test protectively in front of her] Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, what'd you put for number seven cuz I put 12 to 15 times a day, and now I'm thinking I really misunderstood the question.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones who just took a call from Cam] What, you got big news from the nerd posse?
Angela Montenegro: So, your suspect is going to give me a description of your suspect. I'm not following.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, the stoned, hippy guy. He's all we have so far. I mean, he'll tell you what the guy looks like that went into Emma's place, and you draw him.
Angela Montenegro: You know, I've never really found stoned guys that dependable.
[She smiles]
Angela Montenegro: Except for cookies. They always have good cookies.
Angela Montenegro: [In the back seat of the car after witnessing an argument between Booth and Bones] Is it always like this when you two are together?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Angela Montenegro: [Smiles knowingly] Kinda hot.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Now, we've got a lot to work on over the next few months.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Meaning we get to stay together?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] I'm sensing a but.
Dr. Lance Sweets: However...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Booth] Same as a but.
"Bones: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond (#4.4)" (2008)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If your back doesn't hurt then why are you letting me drive?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well you know what? Don't get used to it. because I heal really really fast.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My guys, they didn't find the victim's head in the pool. All right? So I've put out a bulletin to orthopedic doctors within 200 miles of the body drop.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The body parts drop. The victim was killed chopped up, and then dropped.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Breaking in a new intern, aren't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well because, you know, you're always get overly precise. That's how I ususally know.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, what are you doing?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm putting myself in the mind of an obsessive compulsive in order to figure out where I might conseal a... memory enhancer, a psycho-sexual proxy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Right. What's that mean?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Masturbatory aide.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, check the shoes.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Good.
[Starts checking the shoes]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: WHAT? You're not going to find it in the shoes.
[Sweets holds up something]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do all boys keep their masturbatory aides in their shoes or is that particular to *you*?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's for me to know and you to find out.
Gary Tushman: Book-wise, it's no longer about good writing per-se. It's about marketability.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of the book.
Gary Tushman: Of the author. There's a reason why your photo takes up the entire back cover of your books.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because I'm a very good writer.
Gary Tushman: You're serviceable, but your success is contingent on your image as a hot scientist chick.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's not true, is it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course not! Don't call my partner a chick! What's the matter with you?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I just wish Zack was here, that's all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You gotta get over it. Zack's not coming back!
Dr. Zack Addy: I know where to find the victim's head.
[Everyone turns and stare at Zack]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is not good.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you get out?
Dr. Zack Addy: You don't look happy to see me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, we're not!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *I* am. I really am.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Booth is about to enter his car] Wait... What if he... look I don't know what if he overpowers me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Zack?
Dr. Zack Addy: I'm much stronger than I look.
Dr. Lance Sweets: He's done it before. He killed a man.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Zack, promise you're not gonna kill Sweet.
Dr. Zack Addy: I promise.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There you go.
[Goes to his car]
Dr. Zack Addy: [dejectedly] Yeah.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [slight chuckle] There you go.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You know my reviews, Booth. But... do you read my books?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Every single word.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You never said anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well I figured, you know, I'm all over your real world. Why would you want me in your fantasy world too?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Professor Amerian] Was Jared Addison one of your students?
Jim Amerian: I'm bound by patient confidentiality, I'm sure you understand?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Jared was chopped into pieces and tossed away into an industrial pool.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And that is not one of your... therapy exercises, now is it?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't want to be a sexy scientist!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: C'mon, Bones. That's like me saying I don't want to be a sexy FBI agent. We can't change who we are.
"Bones: Mayhem on a Cross (#4.20)" (2009)
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: [after Booth shoots some amplifiers] Yes, now if you recall, it was shooting at inanimate objects that had brought you to me for therapy in the first place.Special Agent Seeley Booth: I thought it was a justifiable shooting.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I agree.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She agrees. See?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Watching from his offioe and speaking to Bones with an earbud] Okay listen, Bones, you just tell him you don't care if he did it or not, you'll just throw his ass in jail.
[Bones scoffs]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's all right to lie during an interrogation, it's a technique.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The evidence is inconclusive regarding your guilt,
[rising up and starts yelling]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But I will damn well make sure it's conclusive!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Whoa. What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Atta girl, give it to him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I will perjure myself if I have to because you... make... me... sick, punk!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're gonna be a chef?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That is correct, yes. I'm going to put good things into people instead of taking out things that are bad. I know it's a little Freudian, but Sigmund's been largely discredited, so to Hell with him.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets... has scars on his back. Old one.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Really?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What kind of scars?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Like he'd been whipped.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whipped?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I saw them.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That explains his near obsession with your childhood trauma.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Where are we going?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Duck hunting.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not really, right?
[Booth quacks]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Gordon-Gordon is making cassoulet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's stew. It's bean stew.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Cassoulet is better than regular stew.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just because it's French doesn't mean it's better.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Sounds better than stew.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: See? It sounds better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's stew
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Geez, what are we, the Land of Misfit Toys?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after sharing her own metaphorical scars, to Booth] Okay. Your turn. Go.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I came here to bring Sweets back to my place for dinner, that's all.
[Brennan gives him a look]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, if it wasn't for my grandfather, I probably would've killed myself when I was a kid. That's all I'm going to say on the subject matter. Understand? Are you okay, Bones?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, I'm fine. Here.
[She folds up Booth's handkerchief and puts it in the front pocket of his suit over his heart, pressing her hand to it. She withdraws her hand and he presses his own hand to the handkerchief, holding his hand over his heart for a moment]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Sweets] Why are you nodding?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Nothing. Just... Wyatt made an observation about you two, and I think I just saw what he saw.
"Bones: The Hole in the Heart (#6.22)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you threatening me?Jacob Broadsky: Self-defense, Seeley. Sometimes that means a very aggressive offense.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You forget who you're dealing with?
Jacob Broadsky: Not for a moment. And don't you forget, you never see the bullet that takes you down.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How are you feeling?
Angela Montenegro: Oh boy. Like an overstuffed turkey shoved into an overhead bin on an overcrowded flight. How about you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me? Like I'm chasing a ghost.
[Starts to leave]
Angela Montenegro: Just make sure it's not your own.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth stops] I'm sorry?
Angela Montenegro: I-I just meant - be careful.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He wants to kill. I don't. You know what? I'll do what I have to do.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I hope so. Because with you gone, you know, we're next.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Anybody on your team is against his team so...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I should have shot in the back when I had the chance.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Professionally - I disagree. Personally - not so much.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: [Booth is applying pressure to Vincent's wound] I... ple-please don't. Just don't make me go. I-I don't want to go. I love -it's been lovely. Being here with - with you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No! You can stay here as long as you like, Vincent. You're my favorite everyone knows that, right Booth?
[Booth takes his hands of Vincent]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE PRESSURE ON.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, I don't Bones.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He meant to kill you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm the one who gave Vincent the phone. Told him to pick it up.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You didn't know. I mean there's no use...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't blame myself, Sweets. I blame the guy who pulled the trigger.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You still have blood on your hands.
Angela Montenegro: ...Booth, she - she means literally.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're staying at my apartment tonight.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
Special Agent Genny Shaw: The kid in the lab, was he a friend of yours?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes, he was.
Special Agent Genny Shaw: I'm sorry for your loss.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know what, don't be sorry. Just help me get revenge.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Vincent - he was looking at me and he was saying "Don't make me leave." He said that he - he loved being there. Why would he think that I'm the one making him leave? What kind of person am I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Come here. No. No. No. No, Bones. You got that all *wrong*. You got it wrong.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I-I heard him. You heard it too. "Don't make me leave." That's what he said.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He wasn't talking to you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was the only one there - and you. He wasn't - he wasn't talking to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He was talking to God. He didn't want to die.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No Vincent was like me, Booth. He was an atheist.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay then, he was talking to the universe then. He didn't want to go. He wasn't ready, Bones. He wanted to stay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, if there was a god, he would have let Vincent stay here with us.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not how it works.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can you just-?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
[Booth hugs Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's why I'm here. I'm right here. I know it's hard.
"Bones: The Passenger in the Oven (#4.9)" (2008)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [passengers applauding as the airplane lands and Booth arrests the murderer] Thank you, thank you.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The applause was for the plane landing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See, uh, we're partners. We like being together.
Kate McNutt: Your sexual relationship's not relevant sir. This is first class.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Booth] Why does everyone else think we have a sexual realtionship? I mean, we barely even touch each other.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Theresa] You? Were you a spy or a smuggler?
Kate McNutt: No. She's in love, Agent Booth. And her boyfriend works for this airline at the Shanghai airport.
Captain Blake: That's against the rules!
Theresa Ming: [Glaring at Captain Blake] So's having sex with passengers in the bathroom!
Captain Blake: ...Okay. I think we're all under a lot of stress here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Seeing Bones wearing glasses] Right. What I want you to do is take off your glasses, shake out your hair and say "Mr. Booth, do you know what the penalty is for an overdue book?"
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never mind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Into the mic] Attention everyone. I need to requisition some denture cream, baby powder and a butane lighter.
Theresa Ming: [Quietly to Booth] Lighters are strictly forbidden on an aircraft.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So's murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what Sweets, you're the man of the hour! I owe you a beer and a rye chaser, my friend.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Sounds like it would make me sick.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Caroline, I'm ready to make an arrest.
Caroline Julian: You're more than sure right, cherie. You're *damn* sure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well it's circumstantial, but it's uh, compelling. So do you have a warrant to sign?
Caroline Julian: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well sign it so I can make the arrest.
Arthur Bilbrey: Just a minute please.
Caroline Julian: That's the lawyer, right? You can always tell a damn lawyer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm the one who dragged you out of pure sciene and... pulled you into murder-solving.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: That's not how I remember it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes. As I recall, I had to force you to take me into the field.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes. You didn't want to, remember? This is all my fault.
"Bones: The Man in the Fallout Shelter (#1.9)" (2005)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You have a son?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You've never mentioned that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [about the fact that he's going to give his son the robot Zack made] That weirdo assistant of yours just made me the coolest dad in the world.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are those little tiny lights dancing on the ceiling?
Dr. Daniel Goodman: For the third time, those are minute firings of neurons on your optic nerve due to your reaction to the anti-fungal cocktail.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow, whoa. They're beautiful.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: You are stoned, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [laughs] Oh, good. Let's hope it lasts long enough to keep this from being the worst Christmas of my life.
[... ]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are those little lights on the ceiling again?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Zac and Hodgins] Okay, you know what? If this fatal, I will *shoot* both of you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, right... right... you can't measure the man in the beaker so he can't possibly exist.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The man upstairs?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hm. You know, you don't know if you're sick, but you're more than willing to take drugs just in case. Seems to me you should give the man upstairs the same benefit of the doubt that you do an invisible fungus.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, nothing brings people together like a Christmas lung fungus.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [still high from the anti-fungals] Bones! It's Christmas Eve day! Both an eve and a day. It's a Christmas miracle!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? If this is fatal I will shoot both of you.
"Bones: The Dentist in the Ditch (#5.13)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You ran a background check on Jared's girlfriend?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, yeah, you do things like that for people you care about.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you do that when I go out with someone?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look Bones, you're the one who says not to jump to any conclusions without all the facts.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: They are unlike mountain rams that butt heads in an attempt to attract a mate. It's hard to believe that brain damage isn't a result.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's amazing. You even make football sound bad, Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me. Coach.
[Shows his badge]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: FBI Special Agent Seely Booth. This is my partner Dr. Temperance Brennan. We'd like to ask you a few questions about Dan Pinard.
Coach Jason Hendler: Yeah, well, he better be in prison. That's the only excuse I'll accept for how long he's been gone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We found his body.
Jared Booth: You just can't stand to see me happy, can you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! That's not true. If I were in your shoes I'd want to know if my girlfriend was hiding something.
Jared Booth: No! You wouldn't! Okay, I have watched you. I learned. You would make your own judgement. You wouldn't care about what other people said. You'd say exactly what I'm going to say: Go to Hell!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh, did you run a background check on Jared's girlfriend?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Why is everyone saying that to me like it's some kind of terrible thing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Because it's kind of a terrible thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm just looking out for my brother. That's all. So can we just, you know, focus on the case.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You told me that my father's criminal past didn't matter. That the love between us was real. And that's all that mattered. Because I believed you, my father and I have relationship today.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, I'm glad I could help out.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm anxious because I can't see any meaningful difference between my father and your brother's girlfriend... Can you explain that to me?... It's a question of logic, so I'm just going to be quiet while you work your way through.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So you really think I was wrong?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't know if you were wrong. But I fail to see the point of being right.
Jared Booth: That's good because, uh, I... really... wanted to know if you'd be my best man.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow. Uh, so soon. It's only been, what, a month?
Jared Booth: Ow!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Jared Booth: Temperance. She kicked me under that table. Pretty sure she was aiming for you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Definitely meant for me.
Padme Dalaj: Well if that's true, I like her.
"Bones: The Boy with the Answer (#5.21)" (2010)
Caroline Julian: So how's your girlfriend holding up?Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's fine. She's *not* my girlfriend.
Caroline Julian: Oh, so those little looks between you...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing.
Caroline Julian: Right. I hope you're more believable on the stand.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I just think - maybe I've lost my advantage because of all the people I'm involved with, all the relationships. They complicate logical thought.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't mean that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Could we please just work?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I told Caroline to drop my charges too... I'm not going to let you do this alone. She's going to see the judge tomorrow morning at 10, and then we can dive in on this case.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thanks Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're partners. That's what we do. Right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Max is trying to shoot Taffett with a rifle] You miss, you compromise the case. Taffet walks.
Max Keenan: I don't miss!
[They start fighting]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: When are you going to learn to stop messing with me?
Max Keenan: You're making a big mistake! Tempe could die.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm tired of... all of it. I'm tired of dealing with murderers and victims and sadness and pain.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, it's what we do, all right? We catch the bad people, make the world a better place.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No Booth. That's what you do. And somehow I get caught up in it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks for leaving me with the bill again. That's nice of you.
Max Keenan: Your fault Booth. My wallet got stolen in jail. Bye
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? Maybe you just need to... take some time off. Go to a beach, lay in the sun.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I may need more than a little time.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Slight pause] Don't make... any decisions about your future right now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm just saying...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know when a dentist gives anesthetic and tells you not to operate any heavy machinery or important decisions in 24 hours, all right? This case was bigger than root canal. Come on, let's just go back inside and have one more drink. Come on, just one.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm tired Booth. I-I'm going to go home.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Bones is getting in her taxi] Hey, I'll see you tomorrow, right?
[Bones doesn't respond. The taxi drives away]
"Bones: The Double Death of the Dearly Departed (#4.21)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Drink up will ya.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause I'm hoping that you're gonna pass out.
Angela Montenegro: Hey, you stole the body?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. No. We didn't steal it, you see? We *borrowed* it. Okay? Cam and Bones think it was translated.
Angela Montenegro: Uh, what?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Translated. It's code for murder. That's how we're saying it today. Translated.
Angela Montenegro: [while using Booth's computer] So while I'm in here, mind if I erase a few parking tickets?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, you know I'm not going to relax until we get Hank's body back in that casket. All right?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are no such things as zombies. Just an island superstition.
Dr. Jonah Amayo: And now you've managed to insult an entire culture and their belief system.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She does that to everyone.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, we stole Hank's body in order to confirm he was murdered.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: Translated!
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're totally yanking my chain!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, do you think Barney killed Hank?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why don't you ask him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why? Is it because I'm an attractive, sexy, young woman who can loosen his tongue?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh definitely, of course there's that. Plus he wants you to publish his book.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: When I inevitably drop dead before you. I'd like you come out and spend some time and talk to me every once in a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'll feel foolish knowing you can't hear me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Promise.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I promise.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, there you go. Huh? You agreed. I didn't think you would agree. Now, why did you agree?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I believe that if I pretended you were still here. I would feel better for a moment. Also speaking to you would require me to figuratively look at myself through your eyes, again temporarily. And I think that would make me live my life more successfully.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what Bones? That's the best thing that anyone has ever said about me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No problem.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Maybe uh, you know, leave my body our for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd rather refrigerate, or you'd start to smell.
"Bones: Mummy in the Maze (#3.5)" (2007)
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones is dressed as Wonder Woman and pulls out a large hand gun] Okay, where did you even find a place to *carry* that?FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, listen. You stay here. Anyone comes through that door, you shoot their heads off. EXCEPT ME!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My gun is too big for me.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Could've told you that a hundred times. Here, take mine.
[they exchange weapons]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Guard Megan.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as he's under fire] How could a guy with military training miss with a Scattergun? What were you - NAVY?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now can you see why I hate clowns?
[Bones has dressed as Wonder Woman for a Halloween party]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What are you supposed to be?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [dressed in a tweed suit and horn-rimmed glasses] I'm a nerd squint.
[while interrogating Greg, Booth roughs him up, and then Bones slaps him]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nice shot, Bones.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [the team, all dressed for Halloween, is trying to narrow down the location of the latest victim in time to save her] Megan Shaw is still alive.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What do you want me to do?
Dr. Zack Addy: [Referring to Booth] He wants us to guess.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Well, my guess is Hawaii.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Not Hawaii.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, guess again. But better.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. I'm sorry.
Angela Montenegro: Booth. They... don't guess.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, who's they?
Dr. Camille Saroyan, Angela Montenegro: [Pointing to Bones, Hodgins and Zack] Them.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, that's just stupid.
Dr. Zack Addy: [Emphatically] We do *not* guess.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You're a horse's ass.
Dr. Zack Addy: Cow. I'm a cow. See my udder?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Explaining how he came to know who the murderer is] Lola beats up the girls. Leaves 'em bleeding. Who shows up to help? Access to drugs.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The EMT. Smart. You should wear a lab coat at all times.
"Bones: The Science in the Physicist (#4.18)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dead guy. What about the dead guy?Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's obvious. He was frost bitten while climbing Everest then struck by a meteor then dumped into a vacant lot in two garbage bags and eaten by crows.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, obvious. That's so obvious.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a start.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [From inside the lab] FIRE IN THE HOLE!
[Cannon goes off. Booth tries to shield Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What the hell was that?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Hodgins exits the lab] We're okay. Everything's okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should get out of here before lock down. Let Cam deal with it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. All right.
[They both run for the exit as the alarm goes off]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [to Hodgins and Nigel] You know you're grounded, right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're testing me on the cancer chair?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, you're wearing a suit. Plus it's not radioactive anymore... We're going to need to take this chair.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. No. No. You don't just go around doing human testing on people, Bones!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's just...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I gotta go to the bathroom.
[Booth leaves]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I touched it with my bare hands... See?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So you think that two people who care about each other, they leave metamophorical marks which should be allowed to fade naturally?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You heard me but you just didn't understand me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I wonder that about you all the time.
Landis Collar: [Bones and Booth are yelling at each other because they can't hear] You two might want to try resting before communicating. Don't need to be deaf as well as blind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: WHAT?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You're the only smart person I really like.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thank you.
[They start to leave interrogation together]
Dr. Lance Sweets: What about me?
[the door closes]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, listen... We just gotta stop hanging out with geniuses because you're gonna figure out that I'm really stupid.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? Don't worry about that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hmm?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I figured out a long time ago how stupid you are.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hmm.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What I just said is... true. And yet it... really sounded wrong. What I should say is that I don't care how stupid you are... It's not any better?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. Not at all.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [the squints join them] Okay, well, there is intelligence which I have, and Mr. Nigel-Murray.
Vincent Nigel-Murray: Oh thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And Sweets, even though, his is so misdirected as to be meaningless.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wow. Backhand full of knuckles with that compliment.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And Hodgins... And Angela... not so much, but she's very talented.
Angela Montenegro: Thank you very much.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're welcome. But then there's another quality. Which is the ability to use intelligence. That is what you have.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's like Club Med MENSA around here.
"Bones: The Goop on the Girl (#5.10)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I have to remove your pants.[Starts removing Booth's pants]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. You know, I'm just going to start reciting some saints. Saint Joseph, Saint Peter, Saint Paul, Saint John...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Cam enters. Long pause] Anyone for mistletoe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I-I'm just recovering evidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just evidence, that's all.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Interesting.
Angela Montenegro: [Angela laughs as she spots Bones pushing a half-naked Booth on a cart] Are we experimenting on Booth? Because if so, I'd like to help out.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Make fun of the naked guy. Knock yourself out.
Owen Thiel: You're a flunky of a corrupt regime. It's my *duty* to resist you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I should warn you, he-he's very hard to resist.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, because you know what? Your little pirate radio frequency set off the bomb. Right before the robber was about to get arrested.
Owen Thiel: Must have been a coincidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just a coincidence. You should keep saying that to yourself over and over again so you can *believe* it!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: My dad brought my second cousin and... I really didn't like her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That makes sense.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, because she's family. I mean, 90% of the time, family just gets under your skin. That's the difference between family and friends.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh wow! Who's this, your sister?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Um, my second cousin.
Margaret Whitesell: I'm Margaret.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There's no resemblance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you mean? You're both beautiful.
Owen Thiel: Freedom of speech. I have the right to be heard.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Legally, yeah. Maybe you should think about saying something worth hearing.
Owen Thiel: Look, it - it wasn't my fault!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You spew that poison out in the airways. This happened, you know it!
[to a nearby FBI Agent]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Agent, show him out!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Where's your chest hair?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm very evolved.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: His pubic extension is actually well within norms...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay. Enough.
"Bones: Aliens in a Spaceship (#2.9)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Had it occurred to you that God is a lot like the Grave Digger?Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
[does a double take]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wha-what?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: He lays down the rules, no way to question him or negotiate. Then, it's almost as though he doesn't care how it works out. Either you do as he says, make some sacrifices and are delivered, or you don't and you end up in Hell.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: God does not make mistakes.
Angela Montenegro: I don't know - putting testicles on the outside doesn't seem like such a good idea.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I tried all the dumb guy normal stuff, okay! That's why I'm here talking to the brain trust, all right. THINK, Eggheads! WORK IT!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're running out of time.
Zack Addy: Minor correction. Dr. Brennan and Hodgins will run out of time in four seconds
[everyone looks at the timer as it goes down to 0]
Zack Addy: We are out of time.
Zack Addy: You're forgetting something! Brennan and Hodgins are out of air.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great. You wanna give up, huh? This Bones we're talking about and Hodgins. You really think they didn't find a way to extend their air supply? Hell found a way to send us a message, asked us for help! And you wanna give up because of MATH?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm okay with you thanking God for saving me and Hodgins.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not what I'm thanking God for. I thanked him for saving all of us. It was all of us. Every single one. You take one of us away and you and Hodgins are in that hole forever. And I'm thankful for that.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I knew you wouldn't give up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The Grave Digger is not God, Bones, because God does not make mistakes.
Angela Montenegro: Mmm I don't know. Putting testicles on the outside didn't seem like such a good idea.
"Bones: The Beaver in the Otter (#4.23)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, Bones, you know when I was in college, my frat. We stole a cadaver, dressed it like Caesar, put it on statue of a horse.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would this, by any chance, be a fraternity of sociopaths?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think you'll find your missing Medical School Cadaver over there.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sitting in the bleachers. He hasn't moved since we got here.
Sheriff Tina Mullins: No. That's just campus security. They're always like that. But I'll go check it out.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What they gotta do is build their frontal lobe with exercise. That comes from doing the wrong thing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: So your theory is: you've got to be bad to be good?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Exactly. Facts of life my friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You want me to come to India with you?
Jared Booth: Ball's in your court brother.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you go with him, then he won't be alone. You won't let him be bad. And his frontal lobe will always be the size of a raisin. That's what you said. Makes no scientific sense.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I said that. Got it.
Arastoo Vaziri: Dr. Brennan said to be especially nice to you when the science was difficult.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How stupid do you people think I am?
Jared Booth: So come as a friend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We both know I'm not your friend. I'm your big brother.
Jared Booth: Yep.
"Bones: The Memories in the Shallow Grave (#7.1)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Could Claire's injuries have been from a beating?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Possibly. But there's too much remodeling to be certain what caused them. Do you think that she was beaten?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No I don't want to. Her husband is a pastor.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Violence would be a logical extension of his belief. The Bible features a vengeful God who capriciously slaughters the creatures he creates. Sweets would characterize him as a sociopath.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait. God is not a sociopath!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Let's just say, I don't want him babysitting for our child.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What we need is: one bed, one place - our place.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I thought you said you'd never move in with someone again unless you were married.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you asking me to marry you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? Me? No. No. You're the one who believes in marriage. I'm not going to bring it up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you just did.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you saying that you aren't going to ask me to marry you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: *You* are going to ask *me* to marry you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's ridiculous.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not ridiculous. It's gonna happen. I don't know when, but when it does, the *three* of us should have a nice place where there's a
[Booth's cellphone rings. Booth answers his cellphone]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth. Right. On our way.
[Booth ends the call]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Got a murder.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But the baby is in me, Booth. I am more financially secure than you. Objectively, I'm more rational. This should be *my* decision.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth clears his throat] You know, we're family. Even *you* should know what that means, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're angry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I'm angry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look Bones, I love you, okay? That's not rational. Us having a kid, that's not rational. But... here we are.
[Booth's cellphone rings. He answers his cellphone]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth... It wasn't the um, violin guy. I gotta get back to the office.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I-I love you too, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Answering his cell phone] Booth.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's me. I have a favor to ask you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Anything. Listen, uh first. I don't think I've been... very fair... WHAT? WHERE?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just - I want our kid to know I'm not my dad. I just want him to know that I was a good dad who gave him a home - our home.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why didn't you just say that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I didn't think you'd understand.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't. I know you're not your father. But I do think that we should get our own place together.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Wouldn't you like to have horses though?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh God. Horses. Why did I think this was going to be easy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, that's what you like about me. I'm not easy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not all the time.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, it's a fact that males usually prefer women they have to hunt for.
"Bones: The Cinderella in the Cardboard (#4.19)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, I'm just saying that life is a lot more than what you cook up with your chemistry sets. Miracles do happen.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Love is a chemical process which causes delusion. An intellectually rigorous person would never get married!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Never say never.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's a paradox, makes no sense.
Dr. Marcus Scheer: Am I still needed here? Because if you two are having relationship issues, I should...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We're not a couple.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We just work together. That's all.
Mrs. Lucia Bertolino: You know this veil would be perfect for you dear.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, well, it's symbol of virginity and I've been sexually active since I was...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, Bones, we really have to get going.
[to Mrs. Bertolino]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you so much for your help.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why'd you tell Sweets? He's gonna come in here. He's gonna cry and stuff.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Sweets stands at the doorway and knocks] Excuse me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, God.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Um, do you have a minute?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Of course.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I was talking to Agent Booth. I need a minute alone.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
[Bones leaves]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If you were your own patient, what kind of advice would you give yourself?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Impressive. Turn the question back on me. It's a classic theraputic technique. It's really, really annoying.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did it work?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. I should confront her. I should be candid. You're right. You're right. It's the only way. Thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look Bones, you can't go around telling everybody what's on your mind even though it's the truth. Okay? What if we were going out, right? And you were, you know, taking forever to get ready. You come out in this dress, and I told you I didn't like it. What are you gonna do?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd reevaluate. Change or ignore you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course you would Bones. Good answer.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know intellectually jealousy is absurd, but I see that it's real for people... I even experience it myself.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...So, what are you jealous of?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Angela. Hodgins. Cam. You.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you all want to lose yourself in another person. You believe that love is trancedent and eternal... I want to believe that too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, you will... I promise. Someday you will.
"Bones: The Death of the Queen Bee (#5.17)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, let's get some punch.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh - oh! Can we dance, Booth? It's Seal.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it's a slow song.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, I'm sorry, is that too difficult for you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I just don't want any misunderstandings here, that's all, Bones. I mean, you know, we, uh, opened up a door there that neither one of us wants to walk through.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know. I - I just - was asking to dance. Because I remember the song. I'm sorry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No - you know what? Hey, it's just a dance. It's - it's your reunion. Okay, let's do it. Let's dance. Yeah, come on.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Bones pulls him in to dance]
[Booth pushes her away to arm's length]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.
[laughs]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you so far away?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, just keeping room for the Holy Spirit. That's all.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I used to come here to find animals to dissect. I didn't have a boyfriend.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, maybe because you were cutting up little woodland creatures.
Dr. Lance Sweets: So this is Evelyn Simms. Wow, Homecoming Queen, Cheerleading Captain, President of the Girls Service Club. Girl like that, she wouldn't have given me the time of day. Which, cf course, make her that much hotter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets, I'm sure you really didn't want to say that out loud, right?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Slipped out.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you so suspicious of Mr. Buxley?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because, you know, he's psycho. He has access to the shop. And he has a huge knife.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you're tearing up.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: This is the prom I never got to go to.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] Are you saying High School is like KGB?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Clandestine meetings, secret pacts murder. Sounds like her High School.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Now this first victim Sarah Tidwyler was a member of the class of 94?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And the second victim was killed just before the reunion of the same class that doesn't sound like a coincidence to me. Cops here agreed to keep everything quiet until we ID the victim and catalog the evidence.
Dr. Lance Sweets: And this Ray Buxley was a prime suspect in 94?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, he was high school custodian, but they didn't have enough to hold him.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Lives alone, low status job, obsession with gruesome crime stories, surrounded by teenage girls. Very creepy. It's like Freddy creepy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well I'm gonna go check him out.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Since you're trying to keep the town from another wave of collected hysteria, I wouldn't suggest announcing your FBI-status.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We go undercover!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Exactly.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Since Bones was already invited to the reunion, we get more information if sh's seen as an alumni.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Alumna, yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, great. Correcting my Latin; not the best way to make friends.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Sorry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great, OK. see you later Sweets.
"Bones: The Bond in the Boot (#5.2)" (2009)
Harold Prescott: You shot a clown.Special Agent Seeley Booth: A mechanical clown. You tell me you never wanted to do that?
Harold Prescott: This one has to be done with discretion. I mean, it's not just your career, it's mine too. I mean, you're old, but I'm still
[Booth starts to rise. Prescott hands Booth the file]
Harold Prescott: Here.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Sweets] Since the coma, Booth can't remember how to take care of his own plumbing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, that's great. You make it sound like I gotta wear diapers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Finding a body in a car trunk] Whoa! Okay. That is going to *kill* the Bluebook value.
Mandy Summers: We weren't supposed to date. I guess it's not like the FBI. We're not allowed to sleep with someone we're working with.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Wha - is she talking about us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're not...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No!
Mandy Summers: Oh, it's okay. I'm CIA. My lips are sealed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You want to know what's in that case? You call in the cavalry!
Arthur Rutledge: I know how to do my job.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well then how come we found the killer and the case?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The Stars on the Memorial Wall represent agents who died courageously while serving their country.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Memorial Walls are reserved for agents. Mr. Dorit was not an agent.
Arthur Rutledge: In Mr. Dorit's case, I asked that an exception be made.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, Bones. I'm glad that we don't have any secrets between each other.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah. I like that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I mean, if we have something on our mind we just share it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure. Even with all the financial and intellectual contradictions I still feel close to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Because, you know, none of that matters anyway.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, sometimes looking at it through your eyes, I believe that.
"Bones: The Bullet in the Brain (#6.11)" (2011)
Caroline Julian: Don't just stand there! We got a shrink who needs shrunk. And a headless child-killer in a puddle of brains.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Who's going to take witness statements?
Caroline Julian: Does it matter? That shot came out of nowhere. Straight from God.
Caroline Julian: You'd think when a highly trained world class sniper witnesses an assasination we'd have it all sewn up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I could say .the same thing about the United States attorney.
Caroline Julian: I'm too short to see a damn thing!
James Kent: Some of us were going to testify.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Guess that won't be necessary.
James Kent: Nope.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How do you feel about that?
James Kent: How do I feel? This woman buried my children alive. I couldn't identify their bodies. That's how I feel about that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He was a sniper, and so are you. The lead members of a closed community always intersect. You must know him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...I do.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sweets has got his confidence back] What happened to you?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Caroline hollered at me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Broadsky purchased land. 10 acres of the highway.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Under the name of another sniper?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Seely Booth... This is between me and him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stop, Jake. I'm warning you.
Jacob Broadsky: Go ahead. Jump the fence. Don't wait for the warrant.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth jumps the fence] I don't need a warrant. This land belongs to Seely Booth.
"Bones: The Foot in the Foreclosure (#5.8)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, if he wants to be with me now. It's cool.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, what if he wants to make it permanent.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's family, Bones. Okay? Nothing, trumps family. Remember that Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, a woman is dead Ms. Selnick. That doesn't bother you at all?
Katie Selnick: I know it should. My therapist says I'm afraid to feel.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know what? You really should be afraid of going to jail for obstructing a murder investigation. I want those names tomorrow. Tomorrow!
Hank: Yeah, and don't worry. Whenever you need a little privacy with that bone doctor, I'll make myself scarce.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks, but there's nothing going on between us.
Hank: You gay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No!
Hank: She's a keeper! You should listen to me, I warned you about Rebecca being a waste of time, didn't I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know Pops, I can take care of my own love life.
Hank: I don't think so.
Hank: Always so proper. Will you loosen up?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's quite skittish when the subject of sex comes up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No I'm not.
Hank: Maybe I didn't give him enough information when he was a kid.
Hank: You should go on a gameshow. You'd clean up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I tell her that *all the time*. But you know, she's already loaded.
Hank: She's got talent, charm, beauty, money. And you're just friends?... I didn't raise you very well.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, what about the orderlies?
Hank: Ah, don't worry about them. They're used to being hit by me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly to Bones after Hank has a private word with her] What'd he say to you?
Hank: None of your business!
"Bones: The Couple in the Cave (#6.2)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I find it anomalous that you would leave her since you believe so emphatically in the mythic powers of love.Gary Nesbitt: Do you understand what she's saying?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just nod.
Hannah Burley: Media is used to distract us all the time.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly to Hannah] You're taking him seriously?
Hannah Burley: Michael Jackson's funeral is on 24 hours a day. And nobody finds out about the coup in Honduras. Felt fishy to me.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I love this woman.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So it's not possible for two people to overcome their differences?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We couldn't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Lance Sweets: She's right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This is not about us.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sometimes when I was away I would imagine us together.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Really?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: While pleasant, it was clearly fantasy. Because we're also anomalous. But you were lucky enough to meet someone with whom you have parity.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Love. With whom I have love.
Hannah Burley: I think I'm the only one in the press corps who refuses to write her stories from press releases.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're going to make trouble while you're here, aren't you?
Hannah Burley: As much as possible. Isn't that why you love me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's definitely one of the reasons.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So you're saying that love is foolish and illogical.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. It's - it's thinking of someone before yourself. It's giving your life, if necessary, to that person. It's - it's, uh, love.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And if that person falls out of love and meets someone else. Those selfless acts would suddenly appear to be dangerous and irresponsible, wouldn't they?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. It's still love.
Lorraine Allen: I knew Hillary. What happened? Did she fall off the wagon?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, but she is dead.
[Booth grimaces]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We believe murdered.
Lorraine Allen: Oh, god.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You still haven't learned how to ease into that one, right, Bones?
"Bones: A Night at the Bones Museum (#5.5)" (2009)
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'd consider it a personal favor, Dr. Brennan.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ouch. Personal favors are kind of like penalty shots. You kind of have to take them. Unlike dinner requests which you are totally open to decline.
Andrew Hacker: A mummy?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Andrew Hacker: Damn. Field agents have all the fun. Good luck.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. Whoa. How's this going to help us catch Kaswell's killer?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It won't. But it could exonerate Anok. There can be no time limit for justice, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, Dr. Kaswell's killer is out there now. We're running out of suspects.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We'll do it Booth.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you so upset?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because... what goes on between us is ours.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Come on Booth. You must've told a lot of people the meatloaf story, right?
[Long silence]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You could be destroying evidence.
Auto Detailer: Oh man! A - another drug dealer? It's not my fault. I do a good job, so word of mouth it gets around and...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Is he a regular customer?
Auto Detailer: No. He saw my ad at the laundromat.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The laund - No wonder you have no one drug dealers coming to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're great at these things. You changed history. How many people can say that?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You can. Every arrest you make changes history. You make the world safer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: With your help.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, Andrew? I thought you were going to take him to this thing- at least that's what he told me.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was, yes, but you and I- this was our case. And I guess... what goes on between us... that should just be ours. Isn't that what you said?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah...
"Bones: The He in the She (#4.6)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones explains in some detail the procedure to turn a man into a woman] New rule: No surgical details, all right.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Have you made many of these "ain't-too-proud-to-beg" calls in the past?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you say we just stay focused here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Would you like me just as much if I were a man?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh yeah, much better. Wouldn't have to be so polite and accommodating. How about you, would you like me better if I were a woman?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I would not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd be jealous that you might be prettier than I am.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I would be too. I'd be hot. Smokin' hot.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? You afraid your father's going to burn in hell?
Ryan Stephenson: No... No. I just wish I had a chance to know the new him - her.
Ryan Stephenson: One of God's challenges to us is to see past the surface.
[picks up a book and tears up the dust cover]
Ryan Stephenson: To the deeper essential nature, which lies right beneath.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You believe our bodies are like dustcovers?
Ryan Stephenson: That's exactly what I think, Agent Booth. Rip them off, and see what's underneath... You see, all this time I though my father was killed, or had abandoned me, and that's just not what happened. He didn't want to shake my faith. He was protecting me from the truth. He... he didn't want me to have to choose between him and God, and I love my father for that. I just hope God can forgive me for making him feel that way.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Redemption through transformation. I get it. What do you believe?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I believe in always swimming with a buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You gather your wisdom. I gather mine.
Ryan Stephenson: I think I should begin my first sermon to you as kind of an introduction. My name is Ryan Stephenson. I'm a child of man. I'm a child of woman. But more importantly, I'm a child of God, and as I look around I see others like me. We don't look alike. None of us look alike. On the outside, we are gay and straight, black and white, fat and thin, man and woman, saint and sinner. Should I keep going, or do you guys catch my drift? But inside... inside we are all the same.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That is completely incorrect.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not now, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Our skeletons are wildly different or I wouldn't have a job.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just listen.
Ryan Stephenson: I am sorry that I didn't get to know my father - Patricia. But I hope I will find him... her... that redeemed human being... both in her old Bible
[holds Patricia's bible]
Ryan Stephenson: and, more importantly, in you, the people who she loved.
"Bones: The Dwarf in the Dirt (#5.7)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just need you to help me fire my gun.Dr. Gordon Wyatt: That sounds desperately phallic. Is this, maybe a sexual problem?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't say that. Don't even put that out on the air.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Booth knocks out a wrestler] What'd you expect me to do? He came at me like a rabid ferret.
[Bones blows him a raspberry]
Gidget Jones: What can I say? Got a thing for bad boys?
[to Bones]
Gidget Jones: Don't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I prefer good boys.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly] Really?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Quietly] Yes.
Nicole DaFonte: Are you going to tell Derek about us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No, I'm not going to say anything to him. But I will tell you that if you've been in love with another man for 10 years, your husband knows.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Temperance Brennan. You're in love with her. You're building a world around her. A family.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're not compatible. She sees the world one way. I see it...
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: No. Of course, it's absolutely ludicrous the idea of you two together. *But* the heart chooses what it chooses, we don't really have a say in the matter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So... about my marksmanship certification, any advice?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Grow a set! Be a man! Step up! She's your partner for Heaven's sakes. The job you do is highly dangerous. She counts on you for protection. So you damn well better protect her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's your big psychiatric advice. Just grow a set?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Indeed, when it comes to a man and his gun, a woman is the natural cure. Take Dr. Brennan to this, um, shooting event. You won't fail in front of her. Trust me.
"Bones: The Girl in Suite 2103 (#2.6)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Debris embedded in the remains suggests an explosion.Special Agent Seeley Booth: So does that giant hole in the wall.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [answering the phone] Bugs, slime, particulates, what's your poison?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hodgins, just listen. Don't say anything. Just do as I ask... You there?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You told me not to say anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look okay, listen to me. I need you in your craziest most paranoid conspiracy mode to call the FAA and tell them that a private flight to Bogota is about to leave Kent Island Private Airport and is carrying aliens or-or terrorists, you know. You know what to do. Now do you got any questions?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just one: Full court press, no holds barred, maximum effort?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just stop the plane from taking off.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What will happen to Hodgins if the State Department finds out?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Know what? Better they *don't* find out!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Shouldn't we do something?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [scoffs] Are you kidding? Hodgins being abducted by men in black, that's a dream come true.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? The bomber was a female?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The sciatic notch doesn't lie!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Neither does the vagina.
"Bones: The Bones That Weren't (#6.5)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: For smart people like Hannah and me, not being jazzed is physically painful.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. Whoa. You're saying that Hannah does extra work because she's bored at home?
[Booth looks at Bones then Sweets]
Dr. Lance Sweets: ...No. No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I-I'm an exciting guy. I, for example, I'm making dinner for her tonight - with wine.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You just decided that now, didn't you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you're not the cause of her ennui, then it stands to reason you cannot make her happy. It's standard first order logic.
Hannah Burley: [Enters the apartment and realizes Booth's made dinner] Oh God!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Hannah Burley: You're going to propose.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Hannah Burley: Uh, candles, wine... new toothbrushes?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Hannah Burley: You went through all this to tell me I have bad breath?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. I just think you need a new toothbrush. Well, actually, we both do.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Is there any chance that I can say "Be careful" and then you can say "Safety first?"
Hannah Burley: It's worth a shot.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, be careful.
Hannah Burley: "Safety first."
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Liar.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Watching Russel dance] Fluidity through which he moves should not be possible. It appears as if he has no bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, that would put you out of business, wouldn't it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I think you should back off.
Hannah Burley: You gotta be kidding me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No, at least until you get your health back. Then we can lull him into a false sense of security, then we can catch him together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Busted.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Her body language doesn't prove anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, we have different definitions for that, that's for sure. That's why no one can thwart our criminological brilliance.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did you read that off a restaurant placemat?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Comic book. I'm on a self-improvement kick, all right?
"Bones: The Bodies in the Book (#2.15)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after firing shots at the door lock] My therapist is going to be pissed.Oliver Laurier: Some of the Brennanites were skeptical, but I told them
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did he just say 'Brennanites'?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, don't try the psychology stuff. It's really not a pretty sight.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So our suspects agreed to kill for each other, so they'd each have an alibi?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So all I need from you people is some proof, okay?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Oh, oh, is - is *that* all?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She thinks we have three separate killers.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: That's one hell of a coincidence.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Or one hell of a conspiracy. You know she sounded pretty certain. And I trust her when she's all calm and relaxed.
Special Agent Tim Sullivan: I'll remember that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm going to need a flashier tie...
"Bones: The Devil in the Details (#5.14)" (2010)
Lloyd Robertson: You believe I didn't kill Neal, right?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Doesn't matter what I believe. Matters what I can prove.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what if feels like to get your faith back?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: When I see effects and I'm unable to discern the cause, my faith in reason and consequence is shaken.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And then what happens?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: ...Two plus two equals four; I put sugar in my coffee and it tastes sweet; the sun comes up because the world turns. These things are beautiful to me. There are mysteries I will never understand... But, everywhere I look, I see proof that for every effect, there is a corresponding cause, even if I can't see it. I find that reassuring.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And life is good again.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [laughs] Life is very good.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I brought Sweets along so he can sift through all the crazy asses at the loony bin, see if any of them are homicidal.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm an excellent loony bin crazy ass sifter.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Observing how the suspect is following her movement from the interrogation room] I have to admit, it's eerie the way when I move, she follows me as though she knows exactly where I am.
Dr. Adam Copeland: Thet's because she can see you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's a window, Bones. It's not a two way mirror.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [while looking at Neviah's painting] Oh, okay. Wow. That's, uh... I'm gonna need another word for fascinating.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Creepy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Notice how I'm not tailgating? Adaptive cruise control.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mm-hmm. Well, right now I'm more worried about a safe distance between you and me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because we're going to a church and you tend to get blasphemous in churches.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What, you're afraid that if God smites me with lightning you could get hit?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I'm usually standing right beside you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The Greek god Zeus also used lightning to incinerate his enemies. Although... Zeus apparently had better aim than your god.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Exactly. Stuff like that. Just don't say... stuff like that. Alright?
"Bones: The Killer in the Crosshairs (#6.15)" (2011)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The bullet severed the C5.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right severing the spinal cord from the brain stem is the gold standard for snipers. We call it "disconnecting the computer."
Asst. US Attorney Caroline Julian: You can never have too many cute phrases for taking a life.
Asst. US Attorney Caroline Julian: I bet this is someone we'd both be trying to put away.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It doesn't matter who this was. Snipers don't get to make the call. And Broadsky doesn't get to make the call. This ends now. Broadsky is mine!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But you said that Broadsky works alone. Isn't that what snipers do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow, you're really going to say it like that? Okay, not all snipers are the same. I am not *him*!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Nothing I said made any such allusion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Nothing in Broadsky's file mentions the 4th Brigade Combat Team.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it's amazing what the official record doesn't show, especially when it comes to snipers.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd just like to understand. I admire your certainty. But since good and evil are subjective concepts, how could you ever be sure you were doing the right thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, well, it's not subjective to me. I mean there's good and there's evil. Life is all about choosing sides. Broadsky, well, he joined the wrong team.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you doing this so you can kill Broadsky or because it's the best way to stop him?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's the *only* way. Listen Bones, you gotta trust me on this. Trust that I'm gonna do the right thing.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I trust you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Let's go!
"Bones: The Daredevil in the Mold (#6.13)" (2011)
Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't want to be your age and wind up like you.Special Agent Seeley Booth: What'd you say?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I don't! You've never been married and that -that's sad to me
Ty van erwing: I'm okay. It's only broken a little bit.
Angela Montenegro: "A little bit?" Does your mother know what you're doing?
Ty van erwing: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She's pregnant.
Ty van erwing: FBI's weird, dude.
Noel Liftin: All right, no problem. I'm gonna need a cellphone, a car, and $500 cash to get started.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what. How about we just drop the charges for whatever it is you stole?
Noel Liftin: What exactly did I steal?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't know. But you stole something, right?
Noel Liftin: I must've.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [about his grandmother's ring] Well, she had to swallow it when she was in Indonesia so it wouldn't get stolen.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa! Did you ever get it back?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. Yeah. It just doesn't seem that romantic to propose with a ring that had to be fished out of a toilet, you know?
Hannah Burley: Can we just go back? I'll walk in here. You tell me how good I look. I say "Thank you." We kiss. We'll have a nice dinner like - like this never happened. We - we can go back.
[Booth glares at her]
Hannah Burley: Okay, your turn, what happens now?... I'll get my stuff out of your place.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How much time do you need?
Hannah Burley: To get out of your place or to get over you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I mean you like evidence. All right, Bones. Well, here's the evidence. The evidence is that there's something wrong here. Now, I - I fell in love with a woman. I had a kid. She doesn't want to marry me. And - the next woman, she's...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah! And now- I mean, what is it with women who don't want what I'm offering here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Just, you know what - drink. Drink. I'm just really- I'm just mad. I'm just really mad at all of you. I'm just mad, okay? So you want to know how this is going to work? Okay, this is how this is going to work. Me and you are partners that's what we do. Me and you we're partners. And I love that. I think that's great. And we're good people that catch bad people, right? And - and we argue. We go back-and-forth. We're partners and sometimes after we solve the case, we come here and celebrate. That's what we do, we celebrate. So as far as I can see, that's what happens next. Are you okay with that?... Great caus you know, if you are, you stay here and you have a drink with me, all right? Maybe we have a little small talk, a little chit chat. If not, well, you can leave, there's the door. And tomorrow, uh, I'll find you another FBI guy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Those are my only choices?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Those are you only choices.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Then I'll have a drink
"Bones: The Beginning in the End (#5.22)" (2010)
Dr. Lance Sweets: Level 5 is extremely severe. You'd be classified as level 1.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. Seen your office, your apartment, you cling.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...I don't cling, okay? I collect things. Big difference.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You don't think you'd save lives?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, yeah. But I mean anyone would in that position.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not everyone is as good as you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I served my country. And I have a kid here. I got responsibilities, all right? I'm not going to Afghanistan, and you're not going to go to Makapoopoo Islands.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Maluku.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Exactly. We have our jobs here. Right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sorry. I just... I don't do really good with change, I guess.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're better than I am.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Pyramids are better at change than you are... Joke. Okay? I was being affectionate.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We can come back. Pick up where we left off. Nothing has to change.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Things have to change. Know what? Hey, I taught you about eye contact. You taught me about evolution. So... here's to change.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: To change.
Caroline Julian: If it's gonna be your last case together, then do it properly.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's not gonna be our last case.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We'll be back in a year.
Caroline Julian: Tight as drum, that's what I want. And trust me, the way you two are running from each other, you better be *damn* sure of these little trips of yours.
[last lines]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, you gotta be really careful in that Indonesian jungle, okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, in a week, you're going to a war zone. Please don't be a hero. Please just... don't be you.
"Bones: The Twist in the Twister (#7.5)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth and Bones realize everyone is looking at them as Booth was trying to help Bones rise] All right, you know, staring at us is not gonna help solve the case. So let's all just get back to work here, okay?Special Agent Seeley Booth: [a couple are having sex in a trailer] FBI open up. Come out with your hands up in the air, and your pants on.
woman: FBI?
Nolan: Where's my shirt?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Sweets] Seriously. You didn't know how it was going to end?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [a tornado's approaching] You gonna cut me some slack for lying to Bones now?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. No. You totally should've lied!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You left me stranded out there in the middle of nowhere.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I wasn't worried. Unlike you, I trust my partner to be able to take care of himself.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You think you have the right to control me because I'm carrying your progeny.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you think maybe we could just use the word "daughter?" I'm just trying to protect you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen uh, Bones, I do trust you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Does that mean that you're not going to hover over me like a crab whose mate is about to molt?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't actually follow that. But no, I'm not.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're not going to stop?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know it's not fair, but no, I'm not going to stop.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because I know that I'm not always going to be able to protect you and this beautiful baby. So acting like I do makes me feel less helpless.
"Bones: The Con Man in the Meth Lab (#4.8)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nice hat, huh. Come on, I'll take you back to the lab.Dr. Temperance Brennan: What happened with your RECO bust?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Looks at her] Nothing. Why?
[laughs shortly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Have you been talking to Cam?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Did you do something wrong?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Defensively] "What do you mean?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well you didn't get the credit you deserved. What did you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Life is not always about credit.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, that's not what you said before. You said life was all about credit and that you were going to Hawaii and they were going to put you on a coin...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, let's just forget about, ok Bones? Forget about it.
[Walks away]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Jared warned me that you tend to sabotage yourself.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sarcastically] *Jared* said that?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Mm-hmm. He said that you're afraid of success.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Angry] Hm. So basically, I'm a loser.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, he never said the word loser.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Walks up to her] Do you think I'm a loser? Like that guy in there? Some clown in some dumbass uniform who basically can't do anything better? Is *that* what you think?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There is no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Furious] You're not answering the question, Bones. Answer *my* question.
[They stare at each other. Phone rings after a tense silence. He doesn't take his eyes off her and picks up his phone]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth.
Jared Booth: So who else have you got for me Seely?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What am I? Your pimp?
Jared Booth: Don't think I'm not appreciative.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well Clark's got everything under control, so I can go.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Jared Booth: Really?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Huh?
Jared Booth: Why, thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] No.
Jared Booth: Wha - uh - wait, this is Bones, right? Not some ugly FBI woman with a mustache.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't have a mustache, Jared.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you think I'm a loser? Like that guy in there, some clown in some dumbass uniform who basically can't do any better. Is that what you think?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well anthropologically, males tend to rank themselves into a hierarchy. There's no shame in not being at the top of the hierarchy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not answering the question Bones. Answer my question!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't wanna talk about my brother.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Would you prefer Sweets do it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm listening.
Jared Booth: Camille ?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Jarhead! It's really you.
Jared Booth: Jarheads are Marines. I'm a lieutenant commander in the Navy. Not an acceptable mistake.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: He's getting so big. Soon he'll be wanting a later curfew and a car of his own.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Jared, this here is my partner, Dr. Temperance Brennan. That back there is a squint. Bones, this is my little brother.
Jared Booth: Bones ?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dr. Brennan.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It is nice to meet you, Jarhead. I can see the family resemblance. Your facial structure is even more symmetrical than Booth's.
Jared Booth: Is she coming on to me ?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. It's just the way she talks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Any idea how the body got in there?
State Police Instructor: I guess anybody could have done it any time in the last three days.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Male. 45 to 50 years old. Do we know where the rest of the remains are?
State Police Instructor: [Indicating all around them] Yes. One leg is over there. The other's over there. And the arm is over there. Did I kill this man?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No.
State Police Instructor: [sighing with relief] Okay.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: This man was shot in the chest.
State Police Instructor: [to Booth, shaken] Would you be at all upset if I had a little cry?
"Bones: The Body and the Bounty (#6.4)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Scary. You know what? You're scaring me right nowDr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you know that if I did commit murder, you'd never be able to catch me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth chuckles] I could catch you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. My plan is foolproof.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, now it's an actual plan?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm sorry. I can't share my murder plans with you
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You are dating a journalist. If in a post-coital haze you relayed my method, she might print it for killers everywhere to see.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Because you know, dismemberment and murder is my topic of conversation after sex.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's right. See? Because I always get my man.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I am a woman.
Caroline Julian: [after Booth lets LeBlanc go] What'd you do that for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Double the pressure on Braverman. I don't care who gets him first.
Caroline Julian: I hate when you're all adult and sensible. Give me a little bile and revenge. That's what I appreciate in a man.
[Caroline leaves]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, what? Are you a defense lawyer now?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: A kind mind is a fine mind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She cut off his head. That wasn't an accident.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I have no rebuttal for that statement.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am so nervous. Anyone else nervous? You nervous? I'm nervous.
Caroline Julian: What if she starts explaining human dissection to these kids?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's gonna be a problem.
"Bones: The Hero in the Hold (#4.13)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This isn't real.Teddy Parker: I'm going to go with real. Nice monkey suit by the way. Never thought to wear a formal to a kidnapping.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, no- no offense, but you know I've been-I've been drugged, electrocuted, and stuffed inside a Beatles toy. You're - you're a hallucination. That's what you are. You're an hallucination.
Teddy Parker: Oh that's nice, I show up to help you and you toss me off as an hallucination.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're dead Corporal. I felt your heart stop.
Teddy Parker: No use crying over spilt milk, Sarge.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not a hallucination, you helped me open that hatch. I wouldn't have been able to open up that hatch without you.
Teddy Parker: Okay. Okay. So what- what does that make me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You are a ghost.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I got boy.
Teddy Parker: What's his name?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, aw, you're probably going to take this wrong.
Teddy Parker: Why? What'd you do? Name him something stupid? Like - like Cutter? Like Tanner? Brady? Oh God you didn't name him Sebastian!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Parker. I named him Parker.
Teddy Parker: That's my name.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's your last name. You know your lock picking sucks.
Teddy Parker: You named your kid after me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [finding a bomb] We have 6 hours and 23 minutes. What, no ideas?
Teddy Parker: According to you, I'm already a ghost. As a result, I got no sense of urgency.
Teddy Parker: So just to sum things up. The ship's about to explode, and now there's no way to stop it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Rub it in. I got you killed twice.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Teddy runs to find some cover] First time I've heard of a cowardly ghost. What a wuss!
"Bones: The Bod in the Pod (#8.7)" (2012)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's a container of some sort.[brushes sand off]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Filled with... gelatinized human remains.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: At first I thought, pod people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Of course you did.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Hey. There are still a *lot* of questions remaining about the events at Area 51, you know. Did you know that UFO spottings are happen...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Let's just keep it close to earth here, bug boy. Okay? Just simplify the investigation
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Based on angular eye orbits and a large mastoid process, the decedent is male.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Human?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Just being thorough.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: When I was in El Salvador, there was a medicine man who would charge women to participate in his purification ritual.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [softly] Is this gonna be a dirty story?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We didn't bring you in to confess.
Melvin Carville: Then why am I here?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because I wanted to say something to your horrible face.
Melvin Carville: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Booth] Now?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [softly] Now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [happily, smiling] Gotcha!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're under arrest.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [still smiling] Gotcha.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He's got it, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Grimly, smile now gone] Gotcha.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Name the top three reasons you love me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't have a reason, Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think what you just said is very romantic.
"Bones: Judas on a Pole (#2.11)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [talking about Russ] I still make him nervous, don't I?[pulls Bones out of her chair by the arm]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come on, let's go.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What... why do I always feel like you're abducting me?
[hits Booth playfully on the arm]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't drink the Moroccan beer. It tastes like earwax.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I wish you wouldn't keep letting me hug you when I get scared.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, when I get scared, I'll hug *you*. We'll call it even.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? I'm sorry that you had to go through it again. Watching your family drive off, you know. Leave you behind. I'm sorry.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: My father is - is...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He's your dad. And he loves you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know I'm just -I'm just one of those people who doesn't get to be in a family. That's...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, Bones. Hey, there's more than one kind of family.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Do me a favor. Pat Zach on the shoulder with an open hand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Does that mean something?
"Bones: The Proof in the Pudding (#5.12)" (2010)
Angela Montenegro: This is the first time I have ever been as paranoid as Hodgins.Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're FBI property. If anyone's going to lock you up, it's gonna be me!
Andrew Hacker: Not stopping you is not the same as helping you. But I will help when you're in some non-existent CIA prison.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, okay. Thatnks for the support.
Andrew Hacker: Hey, there's a reason I'm the boss, when you're plainly the better FBI agent.
Mr. White: How'd you get past the guards?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Uh sniper training. They trained me how to walk
[speaks quietly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: really, really quietly.
Mr. White: You are now restricted to the building, of course.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Damn. Who saw that coming?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And if he was killed by two gunmen, then the government lied. They covered it up.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Throughout history, governments have lied with impunity to other governments and to their own citizens. Booth, does - does this have anything to do with the fact that your ancestor was a - a famous assasin?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: John Wilkes Booth, who killed President Lincoln.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You promised you would never mention that. You said that to me.
[Booth starts to leave. Bones starts chasing after him]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You told me not to. I never promised. I promise now. I promise now!
[to gain access to the locked-down Jeffersonian, Booth shoots out a glass door]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [brightly] Hi, Bones.
[Booth is immediately tackled by Jones and Smith]
"Bones: The Corpse at the Convention (#10.5)" (2014)
Aldus Carter: [Calling out to the team investigating the body inside a utility area] High intensity LED lamps. Pure light that won't alter the visual integrity of the evidence.Dr. Howard Fitch: Dr. Saroyan, I have an RCC tool kit, and some debris sifters that...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stop! Stop, alright, everybody? Just keep it down out here, alright?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'd like a head lamp.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah. Lamps for everyone.
[Goes upstairs to the crowd]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Who's got the LED lamps?
Aldus Carter: Here. I've got four.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Thank you.
Aldus Carter: Thank *you*.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Returns and hands one to Cam and one to Bones] For you.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Still kneeling over the remains] What is this white crust?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where's *my* lamp?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm no closer to finding the killer than I was when the remains were smoldering.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh... What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You think you'll look bad in front of all these forensics geeks if it takes you too long to solve this one.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *If* I solve this one.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, look. I'll bet you a hundred bucks they'll be even *more* jealous when it's done.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you're in gamblers anonymous. You shouldn't be betting.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right, and you're a genius. Alright? So, don't say stupid things.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know what it's like to be innocent and have a bunch of circumstantial evidence, you know... stacked against you.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Thank you, Booth.
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: And I really do think you're a good guy.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yeah, great.
[Turns and leaves]
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: So, please don't be the killer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, Wendell. You know, back in '02, we had to secure this ridge in Gozni before our major forces came in. Little did we know, the Taliban had already been there and they pinned us down for about six days, and they kept picking us off... one by one. Fifteen guys went up that ridge and only three came home.
Wendell Bray: I know what you're tryin' to do, Booth. I appreciate it. The doctors tried to do the same thing...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, you don't. I don't think you know what I'm talking about. And I don't think you appreciate what I'm telling you right now. What I'm telling you is that I saw twelve of my brothers killed in front of me. Twelve.
[pause]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You got dealt a bad hand. Deal with it.
Wendell Bray: Sorry...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Enough with the apologies. Okay, Wendell? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and keep fighting. I don't need to see another brother die.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What about Leona? Why her?
Aldus Carter: Because of a video spectral comparator I was developing. I found out she was stealing my designs and that's the only reason she was sleeping with me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh. You. And... She was... Wow. Well, that... Okay. Oh. Well. Whoa.
"Bones: The Woman in Limbo (#1.22)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The NCIC database? That's... that's criminals! My parents were on a list of federal offenders?Russ Brennan: How do you like that? Guess a criminal nature runs in the family.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [holding up a picture of her brother] You were seven years old, Russ. Old enough to remember. What... what is your real name? What is *my* real name?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, it's right here in the file.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [turning to Booth] No! *No!* I want *him* to tell me!
[exhales, and faces Russ]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What is my real name, Russ?
Russ Brennan: [long pause] My name was Kyle. Your name was Joy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: *You* are not my brother!
[slaps Russ]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No! He lied about that! What else are you lying about? What else are you not telling us?
[angrily walks off]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Any of you see Bones? Okay, we're due in court like - hello! - *now*. What?
Angela Montenegro: This...
[activates hologram showing an image]
Angela Montenegro: ...totally freaked her out.
Zack Addy: [Booth starts dialing on his cell phone] My theory: caffeine intolerance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [speaking into his phone] Yeah. You're gonna want to take Dr. Brennan off the witness list today... No. She can't make it into court. Thanks.
Angela Montenegro: All right. What's going on?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That... is Christine Brennan.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Good God.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just found Bones' mother.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [McVicar's in custody wants to talk to Bones] You got two ways to look at this. One is, you score a private chat. The second one is, you attack her, and I'll drill you through the forehead.
Vince McVicar: How can I possibly attack her?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'll decide what is and *isn't* an attack- like say, a hiccup.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [shaken] My name is Brennan. I'm Dr.-Dr. Temperance Brennan. I work at the Jeffersonian Institution. I'm a forensic anthropologist. I specialize in identif...
[starts to cry]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: in identifying-in identifying people when nobody knows who they are. My father was science teacher. My mother was a bookkeeper. My brother- I have a brother. I'm Dr. Temperance Brennan.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know who you are. Hey, I know. It's ok. I know.
[Booth holds Bones as she starts to sob]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The weapons that McVicar had on him, they're a violation of his agreement with the Witness Protection Program. I'm gonna take him into custody. I'm gonna get a warrant. I'm gonna search his farm.
Russ Brennan: Search for what?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: McVicar liked to bash in people's heads. Maybe we'll get lucky and match the weapon he used on your mother.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's unlikely.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In that case, we'll still ruin his day.
"Bones: The Boneless Bride in the River (#2.16)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't knock therapy, ok? Dr. Wyatt has helped me realize there are certain pressures that build up on the job, and I need creative ways...Dr. Temperance Brennan: [interjecting] We do everything together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: - of dealing with them.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What exactly do you have to contend with on the job that I don't?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You, Bones. You don't have to contend with you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Okay, I want the whole kip and canoodle transported to the Jeffersonian.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [looks at Brennan in disbelief] Kit and caboodle.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Whatever.
[at the docks after Sully leaves in his boat, Brennan turns sadly to find Booth waiting for her]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What are you doing here?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am waving good-bye. See?
[he waves]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What do you want?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Breakfast.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm not hungry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, come on, huh?
[Booth puts his arm around Bones and walks with her]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What are you gonna vomit when you come across one of those horrific cases?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't vomit.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Everything?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All the good stuff. And when you think it never happens, it happens. Just got to be ready for it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The physicist who couldn't tie his shoes? Oh, the former professor who was jealous of your own success. Should I stop?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [quickly] Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, the guy you found on the Internet and ended up being some kind of recruiter for a cult. Oh and this is my *favorite*. The guy who cut off his own brother's head because he thought he was possessed by a witch.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You made your point.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look I'm just saying a guy who wants to take you away from all *this* on a sailboat for a year, that's a step up!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Condescending.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give it time, Bones, okay? Give it time. Everything happens eventually.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Everything?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All that stuff that you think never happens, it happens. You just got to be ready for it.
"Bones: The Hot Dog in the Competition (#7.2)" (2011)
Dr. Lance Sweets: Oh hey, congratulations. By the way, I hear you're having a girl.Special Agent Seeley Booth: How did you know?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I-I ran into Dr. Brennan this morning. She was leaving the doctor's office. Why is it a secret?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Obviously not. She's probably hired a sky writer to tell the world.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Is there something I should know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? I think that you should walk in my shoes for a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You want me to see the world as you do. So I can feel what you feel.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know me well enough to do that, right?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Huh?... I want to have intercourse.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You enjoy sex at anytime. This is anytime, ergo you want sex now. A simple syllogism.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Forget it. Let's just order. Now I'm frustrated.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, you didn't have to come with me. You're probably tired.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, I am determined to see the world through your eyes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh right. And being around all this food while you're pregnant that doesn't hurt.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You just saw the world through my eyes, didn't you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh ho. It's not hard.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones makes a U Turn] Oh I get it. You're still walking in my shoes.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Also note how I only have one hand carelessly on the wheel.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not very cool of me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's okay, I don't mind.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Now I'm thinking about intercourse again... You were too, weren't you?
Brian Tobin: What's with the scrawny guy? I thought I'd be dealing with that pregnant chick who took me down. I liked her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You really don't want to go down that road, buddy.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, you really don't. The little girl she's carrying is his daughter.
"Bones: The Male in the Mail (#7.4)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, you were my father, all right? He was never there for me. You raised me not him. He was never there, understand? You don't have to defend him to me.Hank Booth: I wasn't! I was just trying to remind you that he was my son. Good or bad - he was my son. I gotta tell you, I'm a little disappointed that you don't seem to see the hurt I'm feeling.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry, Pops.
Hank Booth: You don't think I feel responsible? I raised him. Don't you feel responsible for your boy? Now Seeley, we're family, we gotta get through this together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're right. Anything for you, Pops. Anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where was your husband the night Oliver died?
Sheila Burnside: ...Hugh wouldn't kill anyone.
Bob Fisher: I hate my job.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I really don't want to talk about this.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But I do. And I might say the wrong thing. But for the time being, we're sharing our lives. And that means you can't shut me out, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You really want to help? I got a great idea. What do you say we talk about something else? Let's talk about you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [pause] My breasts are very sore. Would you mind if I spent the evening naked?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure, yeah that's fine with me. No complaints here, that's great. See, now, isn't this a better conversation?
Special Agent Genevieve Shaw: I really, I-I wanted you to know that you could count on me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen to me, Shaw. Get over it. This case is not about you.
Special Agent Genevieve Shaw: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What we do is teamwork. You thinking that the only way I'm gonna respect you is if you hand me this final piece of the puzzle is not teamwork, it's ego. All right?
Special Agent Genevieve Shaw: Okay.
"Bones: The Pain in the Heart (#3.15)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Standing in the entrance to Zack's hospital room] Cam. I'm going to need the room.Dr. Camille Saroyan: [pause. Cam looks at Zack, then rises and walks to Booth and Bones] I'm sorry. But I have to ask. Are you absolutely certain? Because...
[Cam looks at Bones and Booth]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Wow! I did not see that coming.
[to catch a suspect from an old cold case, Booth has staged his death without telling Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after seeing Bones knock out the suspect] Nice shot, Bones.
[off Bones' stare]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait a minute. Bones breaks into my bathroom and I'm weird for being naked?
Dr. Lance Sweets: So you didn't tell her to leave? You just sat there naked?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It was my own bathroom, okay? What do you wear in the tub? Floaties?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Booth is standing at a lab table, staring] Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey Bones, I'm thinking here.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Thinking about what, exactly?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Well, it's a pickle. The platform's a crime scene, but we need to access it to investigate the crime.
Angela Montenegro: A "cake and eat it too" situation.
Dr. Zack Addy: Is it a cake or a pickle?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's Schrödinger's Cat.
Dr. Zack Addy: *That* I understand. Cakes and pickles meant nothing to me.
"Bones: The Pinocchio in the Planter (#6.20)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey Pig Pen, what are you doing here?Dr. Jack Hodgins: My own wife just rejected my call!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh! Couch time!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I don't know. Why do you think -?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. I just wanna know why you're here.
Nicole Francuzzi: He insulted everyone: co-workers, clients. He even called the CEO of Burger Blaster a horse-faced buffoon. We lost 6 clients in 6 months.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This guy have brain tumor or something?
Nicole Francuzzi: Worse. Grew a conscience.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I see no reason why telling the truth would be considered aggressive.
Dr. Lance Sweets: It is when you do it without exception. I mean the small fiction that we call "white lies" play a crucial role in human interactions.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's the glue that holds us together.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How? A world without lies would be far more efficient.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If-if no one had any feelings but people do.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you lie to me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, Bones. I don't.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I would argue you're doing it right now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, fine. I am. It's not a big deal.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why is it so difficult to tell me something I already know?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's hard to explain.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Some things are better left unsaid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Raising his glass to make a toast] To things we don't say.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones' car is parallel parking itself] What are you doing?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Whoa! Ghost driver!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How did you do that?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's called "Intelligent Parking Assist". The car guides itself into the parking spot.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wow! Look at that, huh? Does it solve murders?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Deadpan] Of course not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Good. I like my job.
"Bones: The Girl in the Mask (#4.22)" (2009)
Micah Strutt: That old jerk fire them for this. This is the 21st century, who cares about a little skin, right?[Nakamura steps forward]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He does. That's his sister.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to the masseuse] Hitting the illohypogastic nerve can can be extremely painful.
[Demonstrates on Vogler. Vogler screams in pain]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where's the sword?
Paul Vogler: I
[Bones applies more pressure. Vogler screams again]
Paul Vogler: God! I am not saying another word to you people without my lawyer.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Fine. That's fine with us. We'll be in touch. Come on Bones.
[Booth and Bones leave. As they're almost out the door Vogler screams in pain. They look back and see the masseaus applying pressure to the nerve]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, she's a quick learner.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Very quick.
Ken Nakamura: If you think the photographer is the killer, I want to be there!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nak, if you budge from the Jeffersonian, I will put you on the first plane back to Japan. You understand? You know me. And you know that's true.
[Booth ends the call]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You were kind of mean there, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Man's in big pain, Bones. Makes it hard for him to hear.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What do you want me to do Nak?
Ken Nakamura: I want to kill him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, he could give us Sachi's murderer.
Ken Nakamura: And then he goes free. The man who put my sister's head on a spike.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: If we don't cut this deal, then her murderer could walk.
Ken Nakamura: This is your case, Booth. What I want doesn't matter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: To me it does. It would to Sachi.
Ken Nakamura: [Long pause] Cut the deal.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I just mean that we should be designed so we can handle the worst.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We *are* designed that way. We aren't sent anything we can't handle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not convinced that loving someone is worth it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I've got a son and it's worth it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Even if he died?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa! Bones don't even say anything like that. Don't even put that out there. It is worth it. And everything around it is worth it... Every moment. Everything is worth it.
"Bones: The Maggots in the Meathead (#6.3)" (2010)
Hannah Burley: Is it me or are we louder stateside?Special Agent Seeley Booth: There are no bombs to drown us out.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Translating text messages] U-R-GNG-2-DI.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You are going to...
Dr. Lance Sweets: You are going to die.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: 4-Q?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Think that's pretty self-explanatory.
Terror: You know, you're real bad with a gun and a badge, but you won't always be on duty.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. I don't know what you're saying. What don't you spell it out for me.
Terror: I mean, watch your back.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh no... You - you shouldn't threaten Agent Booth. He can be very male.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth removes his coat and gun. And gives them to Bones] I don't like walking round looking over my shoulder. So what do you say we do this right now.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We offered to help her but.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: This is everything.
[Cut to Hannah's luggage]
Angela Montenegro: You are basically taking in a homeless woman.
Hannah Burley: I - I prefer the term "nomad."
Angela Montenegro: I used to be a nomad who drank wine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't drink wine anymore?
Angela Montenegro: Um...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And he just got it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I've been studying their culture, language and customs. The Guido tribe is fascinating.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait, is it all right to call them that?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: A tribe? Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no. I mean, I don't think it's all right to call them Guidos.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh, and the Guidos' dance rituals, tattoos, speech patterns, secret lexicons and ornate costumes are obvious markers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They're dumbass kids.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. The avid focus on mating suggests a kind of protracted adolescence. Kids and dumbass refer to their... determined resistance to maturity.
"Bones: The Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (#5.4)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You seriously believe all the hoo-ha?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's anthropology, so yes.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wrong ology. Keep your grubby anthro hands off my psych.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So do you mind being used as a stud horse?
Trey Johnson: Would you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're each other's alibis. All three of you were together at the time of death.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Your alibi just became an anti-alibi.
Parker Booth: Couldn't you be his girlfriend?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Buddy, you're gonna have to quit that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That would be inappropriate.
Parker Booth: Why?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because... we work together.
Parker Booth: That's a stupid reason.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after watching movement in a house across the street] That was creepy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I warned you about the suburbs.
"Bones: Two Bodies in the Lab (#1.15)" (2006)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Someone in the lab works for the mob. I can see it. There's not much difference between a corrupt corporate government and organized crime.Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're right.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Excuse me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The only way that this could unfold...
[starts to get up and tears some of his bandages]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...is if someone on the inside was orchestrating things.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: People never tell me I'm right. They only say I'm crazy. Love you, man.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did they gather all the evidence from the explosion?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You sure?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Booth, I was there. They were very thorough, and I was very annoying.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sorry, Booth. It should be me lying in that bed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm fine. You know, I... I don't even know if... if I have to stay here, you know?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You got blown up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I've been worse.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You have burns, lacerations, two broken ribs, greenstick fracture of the clavicle...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, I got blown up.
[pathetically]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can you hand me one of the puddings?
David Simmons: Okay. I'm sorry. Did I miss something? 'Cause I don't want to get in the way, or between...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What? Uh, no.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: God.
David Simmons: Well, then, maybe we could reschedule dinner?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sure.
David Simmons: Great.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I think someone needs this room. Let's go.
[Booth shoves David from the room and places himself between David and Brennan]
David Simmons: Uh, yeah. Sure. Well, I'll email you. Stay safe.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She will stay safe.
[David leaves and Booth puts himself in the doorway of the room. Bones is leaning around him, trying to watch David as he leaves]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's nice. Don't you think?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, he's nice... as a suspect!
[notices Bones staring after David]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
[waves his hand in front of her face]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hello?
[he moves in the door frame to block her view]
[Booth is crammed in the passenger seat of Hodgins' Mini Cooper]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Maybe that nurse was right to be pissed that you were leaving. You don't seem good, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, if we weren't in a toy car...
"Bones: The Signs in the Silence (#6.21)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I just - you know when I grew up, I had a father - Never mind.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He - hit you. I know, well it's not the same Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I... gotta do better, you know? I have a son of my own and - look, I don't want him to *ever* see that side of me - EVER!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: One of my foster families, I had a - a stuffed dog.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And you liked it, right?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It frightened me actually. It was the family pet for many years before they had it stuffed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: ...Oh. We'll forget about the whole stuffed animal thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It happens, Bones. You know it's...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know. It's just - I saw a lot of kids like here when I was in the system. Kids pulled off the street. None of them started off bad... I'm sorry I'm being foolish.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No. the day that it gets easy, you know, we're in trouble.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: She was born with Waardenburg Syndrome. It's genetic. One of her parents has to have it. Why didn't they understand?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, not all parents deserve kids, all right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, the only satisfaction I get is knowing what happens to people in prison who abuse kids.
"Bones: Player Under Pressure (#3.11)" (2008)
Ed Dekker: You think I had sex with R.J.?Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't know. Did you?
Ed Dekker: No!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Then why'd you bring it up?
Ed Dekker: You brought it up. All I did was pee in a cup.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why?
Ed Dekker: Because Jimmy's a teammate and he asked me to. I would've done it for any of my bros.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did this boy get into college?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Basketball.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, who didn't you wear a condom with?
[Ed groans]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Atta boy. Now you're using your whole brain. Come on.
Ed Dekker: All right, look. I got a name in my head, ok. But there's no way R.J. Manning ever tapped that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The name, Ed. I need the name.
Ed Dekker: [whispering] OK, my poli-sci tutor, Justine. Hot not.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: All the bad decisions you made and the one thing you're ashamed of is having sex with a "not hot" girl?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't understand.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: RJ Manning, I guess, broke her heart and a bit of her brain in the process.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, jock mentality, teams, not all bad, huh?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you teling me this?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: 'Cause you said we're all stunted adolescents who take children's games too seriously.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I never meant you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I'm one of those guys.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, you aren't. You don't play at being a warrior. You are a warrior, every day. You're definitely a fully developed man.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Even Cutler knew you were lying when you said you treated women like that under the bleachers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, and you believe him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Because you still remember that first girl's name.
"Bones: Double Trouble in the Panhandle (#4.11)" (2009)
Dr. Lance Sweets: Um, can I offer a piece of advice?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well that's why we called you, Sweets.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Don't try too hard to be their friends. Act like you're more interested in each other than any of them, all right? They will come to you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, thanks Sweets.
[Hangs up]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, uh, sex right?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...Oh good idea.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, well, I think what we need to do is get a syncopated rhythm going that takes advantage of the natural frequency of the springs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Are you this spontaneous during real sex?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, look at them... clowns.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, the psychiatric term for fear of clowns is coulrophobia.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not fear, it's hate. Okay? Big difference.
Dr. Albert Muir: Which is the only reason we kept the relationship a secret.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: 'Relationship?'... Sexual relationship?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How? Well when you were - I'm trying to understand. When, uh, you and Julie...
Dr. Albert Muir: The girls had separate genitalia. A fair amount of privacy could be achieved by an eye mask, and an MP3 player turned up very loud. Julie liked the Kings of Leon. Jenny liked Maroon 5.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We should arrest him.
Dr. Albert Muir: Wait, on what charges?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Definitely positive for the whole suspicion of murder thing. But, you know, the uh, other thing is just, uh, it's... well, *confusing*.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Buck was more dashing than you. I mean, Buck drove a motorcycle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, Wanda was funner than you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, she let me knock off a rubber nose from her face with a knife. You would never let me do that. You're *way* too rational.
"Bones: The X in the File (#5.11)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're going to be okay here, all alone in this spooky hospital with a... dead alien body?Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. That would be me who wouldn't want that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, I won't say anything about the scream, if you don't say anything about the gun.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Those terms are satisfactory.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
Delmy Polanco: If I give it to you, will you drop the trespassing charges and let me go?
Sheriff Jerry Bonds: If you don't hand it over, I'll just charge you with obstructing justice,
[indicates Booth]
Sheriff Jerry Bonds: He'll charge you with interferring with a Federal Investigation, and maybe even murder. And you will pray for the good old days where all you were worrying about was silly little trespassing and burgulary charges.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I find he's very... useful in certain situations.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Very usefu.
[to Delmy]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So hand 'em over.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Maybe aliens are... anthropologists. Maybe they just want to study our religion and sex, and love and our funny languages, and line dancing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: That's an interesting possibility I hadn't considered.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just basically said that aliens are nice anthropologists.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Chuckles] I don't think so.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You think aliens are you.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [laughs] You got me. You know, I - I'm one of them.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I knew it!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was sent down as an advanced scout.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ha! I knew it. No probing. No probing!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Hey, probing is a valuable way of gathering information.
"Bones: The Graft in the Girl (#1.20)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Today, Zac. I need something *today*!Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, don't harass my assistant.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: That's right. That's our job.
FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: I should kick your ass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: What did you do? Take sick time to work on this?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Migraine.
FBI Deputy Director Sam Cullen: Thanks, Booth. Catch the son-of-a-bitch who did this to my daughter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's absolutely my intention, sir.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, is it him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's him, but here's the kickster.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Kicker, Bones, here's the kicker.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, I know that you find dead people intriguing, but just... try to put on your sad face.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [referencing Zack] How do you listen to this all day?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I find intelligence soothing.
"Bones: The Salt in the Wounds (#4.16)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Were there any major developments in your daughter's life in the weeks leading up to her death?Ellen Clark: [to her husband] He means drugs was - was Ashley doing drugs.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. We don't mean drugs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. No drugs. Were you aware that your daughter was pregnant?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Despite the fact that you aren't a real medical doctor, you have been quite helpful. Thanks.
Dr. Sean Fitts: Oh, you're welcome. Oh and by the way, you *aren't* a real medical doctor either.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ouch!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Anthropologically speaking those girls have grown up in a culture that reinforces the sad truism that - women cannot count on men.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't say "men" like that. Men don't like a world without responsibility.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But - that boy whom those young girls chose as their sperm donor, he seemed... more than happy with the arrangement.
[Long pause as Booth considers what Bones said]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're right.
[Booth takes out his cellphone]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know. Who are you calling?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Speaking into his cellphone] Clinton? This is Agent Booth. I need to talk to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There's something I want you to think about: sex is never free and easy.
Clinton Gilmour: I beg to differ.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cause the fact is any of these girls, they could change their mind. And you would be paying child support for the rest of your life.
Clinton Gilmour: Wait. What -?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Puts picture of the girls on the table] You see these four girls here. You are responsible for bringing their children into the world - whether they think so or not. They're your responsibility. Your children, your responsibility. You understand? And what you do about that will define what kind of man you are.
Clinton Gilmour: No. Hold on a second...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? If you ignore that, *ignore* your children, that's what you're going to become: a loser, a deadbeat for the rest of your life.
Clinton Gilmour: Why'd you have to tell me all that for?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because you needed to hear it... Do you understand?
Clinton Gilmour: ...Yes.
"Bones: The Method in the Madness (#8.5)" (2012)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [after checking inside a large bag he found inside a dumpster] Yeah. Gutsy stuff.[Hands the bag to Cam. She takes the bag, but the bottom splits and the contents fall onto the ground]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa! There's a leak. No guts, no glory.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [discussing an artisanal neighborhood with which Booth is not impressed] Creating handcrafted, handmade products provides artisans with the authenticity they feel is lacking in today's technology driven, industrialized world.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Great. Okay. Eat your pickle. We're here.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: These are very good. You should have eaten yours.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's nice.
[under his breath]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I don't want a pickle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa, whoa, excuse me.
[He grabs a pair of shorts that Sweets was starting to fold]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Those are my underwear, *pal*!
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is he doing?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets has been very helpful. He vacuumed. Did the laundry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright, that's great, and all. But, a man doesn't fold another man's *under*wear!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Are those Captain America boxers?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones and Sweets] Okay. Listen. Psychology and anthropology. I liked it better when you two were fighting!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Don't you think that as a man, I should be on my own, I mean...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Most cultures have ceremonies to celebrate milestones in a man's life.
[She takes Sweets' arm and pulls him into the room]
Dr. Lance Sweets: [a stricken look on his face] Oh God, this isn't about circumcision, is it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Noooo, it's about dancing.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Relieved, briefly] What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There are three important elements in moving on past an old relationship. Admission.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I admit it's over with Daisy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Cleansing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. You were in our jet tub.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [raising her hands in the air] And celebration!
Dr. Lance Sweets: So, I can't get my own apartment until I celebrate being alone?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Anthropology's all about dancing.
[Bones uses a remote to turn on some music. "20th Century Boy" by T-Rex, mentioned by Sweets earlier in the episode, is playing. Then she starts dancing]
Dr. Lance Sweets: [to Booth] You gettin' in on this?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [shakes his head] No. Why? It's your ceremony.
[Sees Bones dancing]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, what are you doin'?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Are you okay?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Dancing around Sweets who starts to join her, slowly at first] Celebrate. You're free!
Dr. Lance Sweets: I *am* free. I *am* free!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And someone out there who doesn't know yet will be getting the great gift that is you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Lucky, lucky them.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah.
[Dancing with more enthusiasm now]
Dr. Lance Sweets: They *are* lucky! Okay! Uhhh!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [laughing] Elevator down.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Mimics going down in an elevator] I feel so at home right now.
[Booth takes a gulp of scotch]
"Bones: A Boy in a Bush (#1.5)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Angela who just said something scientific] I mean you look normal. You act normal. But you're actually one of them.Angela Montenegro: This whole mass-recognition program was Brennan's idea. I'm completely normal, really.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Maybe before you got this job. But now...
[to Zack who is wearing a Hazmat suit]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How's it going there, Darth? Seen anything on Saturn?
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Please tell me you've seen at least one "Star Wars" movie.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where were you taking Charlie, Shawn?
Shawn Cook: [Shawn moving water on the table with his finger] I brought him to the mall to see David.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know you brought him to the mall but we got a picture of you leading him out of the mall.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [in the observation room, watching Booth interrogate Shawn] Have you seen much of this kind of thing?
Sara Johnston: I'm a juvenile prosecutor. I wish I could say kids killing kids was rare.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Where were you taking him, Shawn?
Shawn Cook: When can I talk to Margaret?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: After you answer my questions.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can he do that, lie to the kid?
Sara Johnston: We are after a child killer, Dr. Brennan. If the child advocate doesn't complain, I sure as hell won't.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What's the point of having a child advocate if he doesn't advocate for the child?
Sara Johnston: I get the impression you're a little confused to what side you're on, Dr. Brennan.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Shawn, do you know what this is?
Shawn Cook: A scar?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. I got it when I was playing soldier with my brother Jared.
Shawn Cook: Did it hurt?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, it hurt, but it was an accident. You got any scars?
Shawn Cook: [rolls down a sleeve to reveal circular scars] My dad did it with a cigarette.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He shouldn't have done that.
Shawn Cook: Margaret didn't do anything like that. I love Margaret.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What I need to know is if Charlie had some kind of accident, Shawn?
Sara Johnston: [Shawn turns his back to Booth] He's not being aggressive enough.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Foster kids are powerless, they're treated like garbage! You're in a position to do something about it and all you have to say is "He's not being aggressive enough"?
Sara Johnston: Dr. Brennan, you know this boy may very well have beaten a child to death with a rock.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Booth. I knew you'd back me up, I knew you wouldn't make me a liar.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hm, how did you know?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Because you want to go to heaven.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But you don't believe in heaven.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: But you do.
"Bones: The Plain in the Prodigy (#5.3)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Hey, you're wearing your belt buckle again. "Cocky."Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Ever since the whole coma thing. I just kept staring at it, thinking to myself "Why would I wear something like this?"
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because you love it. You always have
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, that's what I landed on.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I like it. It's - Boothy.
Joseph Beachy: That's kind of what Rumspringa's for, right? Cut loose, go a little crazy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Get busted for smoking weed.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's supposed to be a time to contemplate your future faith.
Joseph Beachy: Yeah, I was seeing how in the future, I wouldn't want to smoke weed.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Michelle's, uh, family to me. I'm her number one uncle.
Perry Wilson: Really? She - she didn't mention.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm also a trained sniper.
Perry Wilson: Okay, wow. Oh...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, Perry. All right. You're a red-blooded young man, and uh, Michelle's - she's an attractive young girl. So I assume that you uh...
Perry Wilson: What? No! No. No!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because Michelle deserves your respect, you understand?
Perry Wilson: I do. I do respect her. We were just going to the movies tonight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right. And if you behave anyway *less* that a gentlemen towards her, I'll find you. I think we understand each other, right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey Bones, um, you've met Perry. Michelle's boyfriend.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Nice to see you again. I heard about Princeton, you have very bright future ahead of you.
Perry Wilson: I hope so.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me too. Have fun tonight, huh?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Referring to the Amish] That's crazy!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No more crazy than your religion.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ok, look, we reject Satan... They reject buttons.
"Bones: The Feet on the Beach (#6.17)" (2011)
Dr. Douglas Filmore: I'm sorry Dr. Brennan, but as far as we are concerned these are Canadian feet. And as such, they will be examined by an ordinary garden variety podiatrist.Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] That's great. Now look what you've done... Thank you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sometimes wouldn't you just like to be a person like the rest of us - instead of someone who just - paralyzes people?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Those of us who tell the truth have always endured harsh judgements. Copernicus. Galileo. I accept that as something I have to deal with.
Kent Durham: Okay. Wait. Th-this is not what it looks like.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, looks like to me - you're trying to sell off your dead roommate's shoe collection.
Kent Durham: Okay, it is what it looks like. It-it's just not what you think.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But come on, Bones. He's hurting, all right? Whether you're right or wrong, you levelled the guy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's a grown man.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sometimes that makes it hurt more. What makes us human, Bones, is we feel compassion and regret.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why is this so important to you, Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because I know the kind of person you are. And I think you should let others in on the secret too.
"Bones: The Sin in the Sisterhood (#6.12)" (2011)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Any luck with the bullet?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Aw, you know they're changing the expression from uh, "needle in a haystack" to "bullet in a cornfield."
Dr. Lance Sweets: I have to admit, it's facinating to watch a close knit group fracture under pressure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That, and they're dangerous.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're agree with me?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Only in so far that the victim should have realized how complicated his relationships would become in our present culture. In that case- and in that case only, he - he was a - he was a nitwit.
[Bones laughs]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He was a nitwit.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did you just laugh?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I did. I think I did. I'm sorry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's wrong because a man is dead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's right. You're right. It's sad...
[Booth laughs]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: He was a bonehead!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it means, Bones, that you know, you can love a lot of people in this world, but there's only one person you love the most.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But how do you know which person you love the most when you're confused by chemical messages travelling throughout your limbic system?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You just do.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...What if you let that person get away?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That person's not going anywhere.
"Bones: The Doctor in the Den (#4.17)" (2009)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, we're here to recover a set of remains.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come on, Bones. You gotta take time to smell the primates.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why? They're malodorous and they throw their excrement.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Did you know that giraffes can weigh up to two tons?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes. Everyone knows that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And they sleep less than two hours a night.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That I did not know.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes! Pinky stumps the Brain.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's best that you... stay in the lab a little bit more, just this one time.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Because that's where I'm more useful. I understand. No, you and Cam can rely on your inaccurate guts to solve this case.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She needs this. Just trust me on this, Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's been ten years, people move on. I mean, it's just a relationship that didn't work out.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: It's a family, Seely. *Family* that didn't work out.
"Bones: The Geek in the Guck (#10.4)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Agent Aubrey taking a selfie with a video game action figure] Really. Okay, what, do I have to give you quarters now so you can play the arcade games?FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: C'mon. You'd be just as excited if we were at a- what are you in to? Gardening?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm in to solving a murder.
Anne Schamberg: This is where our actors play out the game scenarios in motion capture suits. The graphics artists then turn them into creatures and characters.
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: This is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Aubrey.
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: But it does not compare to my daily service to my country.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Travis with motion capture suit on] Relax there, Mr. Lite Brite.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after they subdued Travis who attacked them] Look at that. We restrained a manotor.
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: Uh, minotaur.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whatever.
"Bones: The Change in the Game (#6.23)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh God! I hope this is not another case where Max, you know, killed someone.Dr. Lance Sweets: I thought he promised not to do that anymore.
Max Kennan: I don't know. Something weird here. You're - you're almost polite to each other. What is it? You have a fight?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, I just really really want to be there when Angela's baby is born.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. So how soon before I can become a Thunderball?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, what if it wasn't Fowler who rigged the lane? What if it was Amber?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Fowler figures it out...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: She figures it out.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: If we ever have a child like that, Buck...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh ho. That's never ever gonna happen, Wanda - ever!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They looked so happy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, yeah. They had a baby.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Their whole lives have changed. You'd think they'd be a little more apprehensive.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know. Having a baby... that's a good thing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You really think that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, it's a great thing. Why... what?
[They stop walking and Bones looks at Booth questioningly]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, come on Bones. Look the baby... the baby's fine, it's healthy. They had a healthy baby. Alright? They love each other. This is the happiest day of their lives. Okay?
[Bones continues to stare]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm...
[laughs]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm pregnant. You're the father.
"Bones: The Body in the Bag (#6.10)" (2011)
Dr. Lance Sweets: [Sweets is on a treadmill] Well, you know, if this is on your mind then you should tell Hannah.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones and Hannah are friends now. I mean, isn't that what secrets are for? Hey, maybe you could just give me something to make me stop feeling guilty.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, perhaps this is difficult because you still have feelings for Dr. Brennan.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? No. No. You know what? This was a bad idea. I'll talk to Hannah myself, okay?
[Booth starts to leave]
Dr. Lance Sweets: All right.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth returns & starts working the treadmill controls] Tell you what. Stop bringing up me and Bones, okay?
[the treadmill speeds up. Booth walks away]
Dr. Lance Sweets: What are you doing? Why can't I turn this down? What did you do to this thing? Somebody. Somebody!
Inspector Eric Anderson: Thanks for your help, Booth. I got a big bonus for this one.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I get the same salary no matter how many killers I catch. Where's the justice?
Dr. Lance Sweets: [as Sweets and Booth are watching videos] Does this qualify as porn or work?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There's an overlap.
Ming Tsou: [Bones want to measure his leg] No. You could make a mistake.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't make mistakes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Tsou looks at Booth] She doesn't.
"Bones: The Mastodon in the Room (#6.1)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You beat up armed guerillas?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I had to. You weren't there to save me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Daisy just wants to pick up where we left off, and I don't know whether to...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Move on.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. Like you did.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? You aked my opinion, right? I'm going to give it to you. Listening? Give yourself a chance to be happy. Move on.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Did that work for you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. It did. It did.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you know, knowing Caroline, she probably won't even charge them. Caroline's a nice person - underneath the whole not nice thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why do we only solve crimes when we have a dead body?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seriously? Because I'm a pathologist, and
[Indicating Bones]
Dr. Camille Saroyan: she's a forensic anthropologist. Fresh dead. Long time dead.
"Bones: The Bikini in the Soup (#6.14)" (2011)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Okay, look, I know you and Hannah broke up, but for most people Valentine's Day...Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't want to finish that sentence!
Dr. Jack Hodgins: No. No, I don't.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's over, okay? Hannah and I are done. Moved on.
Angela Montenegro: Okay, so what are you going to do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Nothing. Valentine's Day is not a holiday. It's made up by these greeting card companies and... florists.
Angela Montenegro: Well, then maybe you should find somebody else who's doing nothing, and do nothing together.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Bones is on her cellphone] No, it's not my mother.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to Booth] He thinks that you're my mother.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Loudly] Look, I'm not her mother!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [to her cellphone] I-I don't have a mother. Could I phone you back to tell you no?... Thanks.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I find it a little bit insulting that they think that I'd be available at the last minute.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you are.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes, but they don't know that! And it's by choice - like you. It's a ridiculous holiday. The banks don't even close.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I agree with you there. It is a ridiculous holiday. I think I'll just end up at the shooting range. I mean, it seems fitting.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: In honor of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know I never thought of it that way. But yeah - yeah. That's right.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sounds like fun.
"Bones: Death in the Saddle (#3.3)" (2007)
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Here we are, all of us, basically alone, separate creatures, just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some they just give up hope because in their mind they're thinking "Oh there's nobody out there for me," but all of us, we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while... every once in a while, two people meet and there's that spark, and yes, Bones, he's handsome and she's beautiful and maybe that's all they see at first, but making love... making love... that's when two people become one.Dr. Temperance Brennan: It is scientifically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, but what's important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: To what? Breaking the laws of physics?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, Bones - a miracle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What was with all the lying? "We've got voice tapes and public display of sexual paraphernalia"?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was role playing. I was being all lard ass and good cop.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hard ass and bad cop, Bones. Hard ass and bad cop.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stop, or I'll kick you in the testicles?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It worked.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [searching around a body with both feet cut off] I got a foot...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Me, too.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Find a third one, and I'll be impressed.
"Bones: The Knight on the Grid (#3.8)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: If we fool them into thinking we're transferring the sculpture, they might try to grab it.Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, if he wants it as much as Sweets says, they'll try to steal it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Why not?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Because I didn't think of it.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Look. "Pater mortuus."
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It means "dead father."
Dr. Jack Hodgins: *You* know Latin? Dude!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Altar boy.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: You got a key?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [holds up crow bar] Yeah, brought my own.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Can I do it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. You don't let me play with your bugs.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'm totally into the Gormogon file. And it's my opinion you're looking for a duo.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: How did you get the file?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Booth.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Upset, she turns to Booth] You gave him the case file?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Time out, okay? He came up with the whole duo thing.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: We found another widow's son skeleton. This one's complete.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Begrudgingly] The teeth marks suggest... two cannibals.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Really. That's awesome! It's like the Sith lords, man. There's always only two of them.
"Bones: The Witch in the Wardrobe (#5.20)" (2010)
Murray Huddler: You see me now?[Pull out his driver's license]
Murray Huddler: You see me there? See the difference?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, you shaved your head.
Murray Huddler: No, I did not shave my head. Your aunt put a curse on me. And all the hair fell off my body... all the important ones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after the wiccans strip during their ceremony] Okay, why is that when things like this happen, it always happens to people you *don't* want to see naked?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Huh?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I wished for... I wished you could find happiness.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I don't know what that means?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Happiness. Love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh? Well then thank you.
[Booth laughs]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why is that funny?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, cause you know, you wouldn't have thanked me if you didn't think that part of it was true.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. I was - I was thanking you for your kindness. Not because I believe in the outcome.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah. I detect relief.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh! Okay. I don't like it when dead things move. Did you see that? It moved there.
"Bones: The Shallow in the Deep (#6.6)" (2010)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, you've been shot, and beaten, and jumped out of an airplane. The skeletal damage alone...Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh God! I'm falling apart.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're fine. It's your skeleton that's falling apart.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after finding Sweets and Daisy having sex] Can you sign this?
[Hands Sweets a form]
Dr. Lance Sweets: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sign. Just sign and get back to your fun.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sigh] Age. How is it I went to sleep Han Solo and woke up Obi Wan Kenobi?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay, since you both saw the incident. I've decided to take Agent Booth's advice. Anyway, even though Daisy and I aren't dating, I've decided we can still enjoy each other's company. Casually. Once in a while.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm not sure why I should care. Are you planning on have sex somewhere that I will witness it?
Dr. Lance Sweets: I hope not.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Then I definitely don't care.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm with her.
"Bones: The Gunk in the Garage (#8.3)" (2012)
Caroline Julian: You know you're not gettin' that promotion now, right?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wait a second. Why? I caught the bad guy. That's gotta count for something'
Caroline Julian: Well, it makes *me* all tingly, that's for sure. But that's it. You're gonna hafta settle with runnin' around shootin' people until you grow up.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you wouldn't love me any other way, Right?
Caroline Julian: Oh. You said there was a casualty. Who was it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sweets. He'll be fine.
Caroline Julian: [with affection] Sweets. That boy's got the goods.
[with mock severity]
Caroline Julian: But, you better not tell him I said that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No problem. As far as the world's concerned, you're a horrible person, cherie.
Caroline Julian: I knew I could count on you, chere.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm sorry you're not getting the promotion.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah, thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You're welcome.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, for... lying to me. Thank you. I mean, I know it's a white lie. But, I mean, look at you, being all sweet and lying to me.
[smiles at her]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can I start buying you things now?
[They're sitting down to dinner]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. You can't. But, hey, I'll tell you what. You can start buying Christine stuff.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I know you'd like a new grill.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Christine would *love* a new grill. She would love it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Baby girls need grills.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: They need grills. And a new tool set. What is this?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's quinoa.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Queen wha...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Quinoa. It's a grain.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, with a new grill, we could cook *steaks*.
"Bones: Intern in the Incinerator (#3.6)" (2007)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: The offices. It's always the suits, baby.FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, I wear suits.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Yes, yes you do.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right, that's it. No shooting of the squints tonight. Sorry!
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after telling Hodgins that Cam's sister kissed him] This is worse than when we were a couple.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [chuckling] I'm sorry.
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: I really should take my gun out and shoot you.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm sorry, man. I know it's serious
[chuckles again]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not helping.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And I'm changing my password.
[covers screen with one hand and starts entering a new password]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Daisy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How did you know?
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's your second favorite flower. I know you, Bones. Try a planet.
[Booth walks away. Bones starts typing]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: JUPITER!
[Bones stops typing]
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille, you're an adult you can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die.
"Bones: The Widow's Son in the Windshield (#3.1)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: There's a phrase in ancient Greek burned into the back of the vault door.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, what's it say?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know, it's in ancient Greek.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You arrested the Deputy Director of the Secret Service for voyeurism.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Bones in her office?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: That is awesome! And really, really stupid! You gotta love a self-destructive man with values.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: How do I say this in a way that makes sense to Booth?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Something chewed on the skull.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, like a bear or a dog?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Human, Booth. Dr. Brennan is saying human.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: In the vernacular, our victim's face was chewed off by a cannibal.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [throws away the rest of his hot dog] Okay.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Talking about Booth being annoyed that Bones being difficult and distant] Usually when you get all blustery, its 'cause you think something's your fault.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well. You know... I did arrest her father for murder. She could be having trouble with that.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah. Exposing a parent to the death penalty can have a chilling effect on a partnership.
"Bones: The Bones on the Blue Line (#5.15)" (2010)
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're gonna think I'm stupid for saying this but the - whole thing... felt like a message.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. Believe in messages.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah, it's like a message. "Go ye forth and live life to the fullest." Something like that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Live life to the fullest." People should do that more often: moment-to-moment, day-to-day, but they don't.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [Speaking of her books] Angela helps me with those scenes.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Angela helps me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Page 187?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Angela... Though I'm anxious to try it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really?
Riku Inagawa: [after Booth draws his weapons] That is very sexy. Big Andy with a gun protecting Kathy.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, no, no, no. He is not Andy, and I'm not Kathy... Plus it's more exciting when he shoots someone with it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well it is, Booth. And impressive, he never misses.
Riku Inagawa: Andy sometimes misses.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: The idea of soul mates actually originated with Plato.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, you mean the clay that kids play with.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. The-
[Booth smiles at her]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ohhh...
[laughing]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You're joking.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Me, joke? No.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No, the ancient Greek philosopher. His theory was that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and two faces. Zeus was threatened by their power and split them all in half, condemning us all to spend our lives trying to complete ourselves.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [smiles at her] I don't believe that's true.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I agree. It's ridiculous.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right?
"Bones: The Woman at the Airport (#1.10)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know, I'd like to drive sometimes.Special Agent Seeley Booth: [changing the subject] Look, our contact out here is Special Agent Tricia Finn.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm an excellent driver.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: OK, Rain Man.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't know what that means.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Every culture nurtures ideals of beauty toward which people strive - fine! But in the future people'll look back upon the surgical alterations of the nose or breasts or buttocks with the same horror that we regard the binding of feet or the use of bronze coils to extend the neck.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You wanna speak up? 'Cause it's really hard to hear every word in this very, very quiet waiting room.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's barbaric! It's painful! It's wrong! This murder victim may never be identified because some glorified barber with a medical degree has the arrogance to think that he could do better than a millennium of evolution.
Special Agent Tricia Finn: Agent Booth, can I have a moment, please? Um, have I done something to offend you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I'm not really into this whole "West Coast In Touch With Your Feelings" thing, okay? So...
Special Agent Tricia Finn: Yeah. Um, I'm really good at my job, and I've been nothing but cooperative and helpful to you, but you just freeze me out.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mmm-hmm.
Special Agent Tricia Finn: And I know you have nothing against working with women because you're partners with Dr. Brennan, so your problem must be with me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I don't have anything against you, Agent Finn. I just don't like the way you view the FBI.
Special Agent Tricia Finn: What do you mean?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: This is a proud and noble job but you're using it to get to something else. My advice? Write your script, get an agent, hell, have a little plastic surgery! But quit using my Federal Bureau of Investigation as a stepping stone into something that you think is better. Because in my book, there is nothing better.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: We're born unique. Our experiences mold and change us. We become someone, all of us, and to have that taken away by murder, to be erased from existence against our will, it's just...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Evil?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Unacceptable.
"Bones: The Princess and the Pear (#4.14)" (2009)
Special Agent Payton Perotta: [after taking the phone from Brennan] How are you, Agent Booth?Special Agent Seeley Booth: The only reason that I am not comin' in right now is because Bones told me not to. But she's your responsibility, nothing can happen to her, okay? If anything happens... to her... y'know that silky black hair, soft skin...
Special Agent Payton Perotta: ...I... will not let her out of my sight, you have my word. Now, uh, we should really get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Am I stopping you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So why wasn't Perotta with you?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I was with Sweets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's like being protected by a smurf. Not the sheriff. The guy who was in charge. I don't even know his name, but he was a small blue guy.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: How are you, Agent Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth has taken some Vicodin] The only reason I'm not coming in right now is because Bones told me not to. But she is *your* responsibility! Nothing can happen to her. Okay? If anything happens to... her... you know silky black hair, and... oh that soft skin.
Special Agent Payton Perotta: I will not let her out of my sight. You have my word. Now, uh, we should get back to the case, Agent Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Bones is adjusting Booth's back] This is going to be good. Believe me, I really am not going to forget
[There's a loud crack. Booth speaks in a high pitch]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: this.
"Bones: The Girl in the Fridge (#1.8)" (2005)
Joy Deaver: Dr. Brennan, you need to learn the difference between reality and perception. A trial is all about perception.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Wow. You're the reason civilization is declining.
Joy Deaver: [Looks at Booth] Talk to her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I kinda agree with her.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Thanks.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ah, I don't really agree with you, I just... I don't like her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen, do you want my coat or something? It's cold up here.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: If I did, I'd ask for it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. Sorry. And, uhm, I'm sorry.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You had something to accomplish. You found a logical way of getting what you needed. Probably would've done the same thing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, the regular stuff. When it gets old, you need to spice it up, it's over. When the sex is good, you don't need any help.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh, that's for sure!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sorry?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I was agreeing.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah? Well, don't. Okay? It kinda freaks me out.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I've never gotten a B and I never will.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's my girl.
"Bones: The Doctor in the Photo (#6.9)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: DC Metro Missing Persons investigated. Case went cold. Didn't go anywhere.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How can that be? The woman was a surgeon.
Hannah Burley: Single. No kids. Outside of people at work, there was no one to miss her.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, Dr. Brennan just wonders how someone of that importance could disappear.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So - so quietly?
Dr. Adit Gadh: "I will show you fear in a hand full of dust." T.S. Elliot. We don't actually fear death. We fear that - no one will notice our absense. That we will disappear without a trace.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, why are you taking this so personally? I mean you're acting as though you're the one who's being accused of taking drugs.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I got the signal, Booth. I don't want to have any regrets.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Long pause. Booth realizes what Bones means] Um, I'm with someone, Bones. And Hannah - she's not a consolation prize. I love her.
[Bones cries]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but those are the facts.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...I understand. I missed my chance. My whole world turned upside down. I can adjust.
"Bones: The Skull in the Desert (#1.17)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, no offense to Angela, but she doesn't really know this guy. She's only with him, what? Only three weeks out of the year?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, no offense to you, but you are a stodgy traditionalist when it comes to relationships, buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Stodgy? Stodgy?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, stodgy.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Obviously you subconsciously sifted through the rational facts of the case and processed the most likely scenario.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sure that's it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, what else could it be?
Angela Montenegro: It's the only rational explanation.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Wait, are you guys making fun of me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Let's go back home. You know, where there's water and shelter and living things? Come on.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm touring the hottest places in the universe. Next stop... Hell.
[Brennan calls Booth on his cell phone]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: How far are you from Dulles?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: As far as your office is from Dulles.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why are you in my office?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I need your findings on the Richmond case. Listen, Zack won't tell me where they are unless you give him permission.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: There's a 9:15 flight to Denver, then there's an 11:35 flight to Santa Fe. You have to run to make the connection.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Forget it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, please. Angela's boyfriend is missing... maybe dead. It took all of my charm...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All of your charm? Oh boy...
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: ...just to get the sheriff to let me look at the skull. When I asked him to let me send the skull to the Jeffersonian, he told me I am not a cop and I don't have any jurisdiction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Which is true. Okay, look, what do you want me to do?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I want you to get Federal on his ass.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [smiles smugly and proudly] Oh!
"Bones: The Man on Death Row (#1.7)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Reason for wanting a gun?Dr. Temperance Brennan: To shoot people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Not a good response.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I think there are doubts when it comes to an execution. There shouldn't be any doubts.
Prosecuter: He doesn't have doubts. He has cold feet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you think I won't pop you one just because we're standing in the judge's kitchen?
Judge Cohen: See? You lose sleep, you get cranky. Judgment suffers.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'll ask the others, but they might have plans.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's Friday night and they're racing beetles.
[after Bones attacks Howard Epps]
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are you gonna arrest me for assault?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From what I saw, purely self-defense.
"Bones: The Bones That Foam (#4.15)" (2009)
Chet Newcomb: It was an accident?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, he was
[trying to speaking quietly to Booth]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What's the sensitive way to say murdered?
Chet Newcomb: Murdered?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sorry, but when you're ready, we'd like to ask you a few questions about your brother's...
Chet Newcomb: Murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're sorry for your loss.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Booth gets a lap dance] Did he get in a fight with one of the bouncers?
Strawberry Lust: No. With another car salesman. You know that Indian guy, Buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From Criterion.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He lied to you.
[Bones starts to rise up]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You should go talk to Buddy.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yes. I-I should.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: The tell Ms. Lust to get up.
Strawberry Lust: I think that might be a little embarrassing right now, huh, baby?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's my gun.
[to Bones]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Give us a moment.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
[Bones sits back down]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Outside.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What's outside?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Outside, please?
[Nervous chuckle]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did we get our $60 worth yet?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: So the killer thinks the body's going to dissolve instantly like it does in the movies then nothing happens. Except every alarm in the lab goes off time and again!
[Cam takes a big drink of wine]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Are you okay?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [Finishes swallowing her wine] Yes. It's just very good wine.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Refering to the Audi] Driving a machine like this is like making love, you have to go gently.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I go for more passionate and uninhibited than for gentle.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, gently.
"Bones: The Titan on the Track (#2.1)" (2006)
Lisa Supac: [after advising Dr. Brennan and the rest of the team the Turko will only get 10 years for his involvement in the train crash] It's 10 years or nothing. I can only work with what I'm given, and the forensic work on this was not good enough.Dr. Temperance Brennan: What?
Lisa Supac: You were fooled by fake dental records, you baked some spam.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What did you want us to do?
Lisa Supac: Your jobs.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supek, you want us to do your job. My people gave you all the evidence you need to fry Turko with any reasonable jury.
Lisa Supac: Forensically...
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We gave you everything you needed to arrest Turko.
Lisa Supac: Arrest is not a conviction.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: We definitely gave you enough to reject his plea bargain and indict him in the wrongful death of a Senator.
Lisa Supac: Indictment is not a conviction.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You accept that plea bargain and the investigation stops.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Indict him. Give us time to get you what you need.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If you accept this plea bargain, you don't deserve to be a Federal Prosecutor.
Lisa Supac: Dr. Saroyan!
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Yeah, it's scary. The whole country'll be watching the trial and you don't want to go in with less than a sure thing. But you put my people on the stand as expert witnesses and that's a sure thing.
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Dr. Jack Hodgins, Angela Montenegro: [together] Not Zack.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: You can tell the story of what happened using the evidence these people provided, and if you any ability as a prosecutor you'll win the case.
Lisa Supac: Are you finished?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, Ms. Supeck. In the future when you have problems with my team, you'll register them with me, in private, not by grand standing in a public forum.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Come on, Booth. The part of you with the big gambling problem must love this idea.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right there. Mm-hm. That's the reason you didn't get Cam's job.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Been out to your mother's grave?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: No. Why would I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: To connect.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: She's dead, Booth. Dead, as in 'gone from this world'.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what? Fine. Forget it.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Excuse me. I'm curious. Do you talk to the headstone? I mean, what do you say?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It looks like I'm talking to the headstone, but what I'm really saying is--Forget where the words are directed. What I say is that I remember them.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They can't hear you, because they're dead.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: My mouth moves, words come out, but none seem to get across the drawbridge to the princess I know who awaits within.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Camille.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Don't call me Camille.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't call me Seeley.
"Bones: The Man with the Bone (#1.18)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth, Dr. Jack Hodgins: [in unison] Pirates!Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Walking along a hallway leading to the morgue] Welcome to the dungeon.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Why the FBI always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't be such a snob Bones, ok? Not everyone gets to play in a multimillion dollar lab, you know... with skylights.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. The people who deal with the death are viewed as freaks.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Are Rangers afraid of SEALs?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? Come on, Bones. No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Rangers aren't afraid of anybody. All right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: SEALs are pretty good though.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [while questioning the security guard]
[to Dr. Goodman]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
Dr. Daniel Goodman: Ironic, given we contract that out to the FBI.
"Bones: The Prince in the Plastic (#7.3)" (2011)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I appreciate that, Sweets. I really do. But you're a shrink. Shrinks have couches, not guns.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I have a couch, and I'm not a shrink.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Really? You're not helping.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But it's crazy for him to carry a gun. That's all.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, it's not.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Thank you.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: At the very least, he could draw fire away from you, and get shot himself. Which would reduce the likelihood of *me* becoming a single parent.
Dr. Lance Sweets: We don't have to go over every eventuality.
Bianca Chiverton: And I'm going to need each of you to sign a Non-disclosure agreement form before we enter.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I can't do that. I'm with the FBI. What we do is disclose.
Bianca Chiverton: Well, then I can't allow you to stay here.
Daisy Wick: Well, we can always shut the building down while we get a search warrant if that's what you prefer. I'm sure the press would love a story like that.
Bianca Chiverton: Fine.
Dr. Lance Sweets: [as Sweets is about to take his final exam] Booth that's not fair. You don't want me to have a gun. It's gonna affect my performance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's the point. You want to have my back. If something like this rattles you, I can't trust you... So ready?
Dr. Lance Sweets: Let's Rock-n-Roll.
"Bones: Stargazer in a Puddle (#2.21)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones has made last minute touch-ups for the wedding] Wow! You look great!Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You said I looked good before!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [pause] Whose day is it, huh? It's Angela's. C'mon, let's go.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I would like to marry you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Kind of sudden, Bones. Let me think about that.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Do you know what you're looking at?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [nods] The neck bone... It's connected to the shoulder bone...
"Bones: The Woman in the Car (#1.11)" (2006)
[Bones and Booth visit a suspect's home, and take on two men that Booth spots watching the building]Special Agent Seeley Booth: [covers first man with gun] FBI!
First man: [aims his gun back at Booth while the second man covers Bones] U.S. Marshals!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [puzzled] U.S. Marshals?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [holds up hands] Forensic anthropologist! That's why no gun.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [heading to where they think the kidnappers are] Why don't we ever take my car?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Do you have bulletproof vests in the trunk?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's why.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We're looking for an abandoned gas station or mechanic shop, off the grid.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, you guys are geniuses. Mm!
Zack Addy: How do we find that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Work for the F.B.I., you idiot.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Way to go, Zack. We went from geniuses to idiots in three seconds.
"Bones: The Bone That Blew (#4.10)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't think I'm a lousy dad for not sending my kid to a private school?Dr. Lance Sweets: No. But you'd be a lousy father if you didn't torture yourself about it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thanks
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So I thought he was strangled.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He was strangled, shot and set on fire.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Someone wanted to make sure he didn't get home.
Max Keenan: Can I ask you a question?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sure.
Max Keenan: You - are you - uh are you sleeping with my daughter?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Max Keenan: Why? Are you gay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [chuckles] No.
Max Keenan: She not attractive enough?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones is beautiful.
Max Keenan: Is it because of me. Because I killed one man and we *both* know he deserved it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: All right just cut it out, Max. I'll talk to her. Probably won't do any good. I'll talk to her.
Max Keenan: You're a good man. And I want that for her.
"Bones: The Man in the Wall (#1.6)" (2005)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [about Brennan being stoned on the methamphetamine from the wall] Let's just say, your boss inhaled.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Arrest him and confiscate the cane as evidence. I need the cane.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Arrest him for what? He's the guy who pointed a gun at a federal agent.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Uttering threats or smelling bad or anything.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: When was the last time you got away?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Got away from what?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [sighs] Well Bones, you know... because what usually happens to me... I think about not coming back
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Seriously?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [stands to leave] yeah, you know... You go with someone, you joke about not going back to your real life, the two of you laugh.
[walking to leave]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: But when you're alone... the world is full of possibilities...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: See you next week
"Bones: The Finder (#6.19)" (2011)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: This appears to be scoring from human teeth.Sheriff Bobby Erdy: Yeah, we get that.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Cannibals?
Sheriff Bobby Erdy: Feral hogs. Hogs got people teeth. I know a guy made his own set of dentures that way.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Find the map. Find the murderer.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Possibly. How-how does he find things?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The son-of-a-bitch, he got the finder power.
Walter Sherman: Are you two sleeping together?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [laughing] No.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Walter Sherman: Would you sleep with me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Quietly to Walter] You know what? You find the map, maybe you got a shot.
[Bones hits Booth]
"Bones: The Woman in the Tunnel (#1.16)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] You know "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" but you don't know Charlize Theron? You know who you are? You're my grandmother.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, give me your gun. Take the restraints out of my belt and put 'em on Kyle.
[Bones puts her gun in Booth's pants pocket]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's not cocked, is it? Because where that's pointed...
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You're safe.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: She knew about this treasure. She was going to put it in her documentary. It would have cost you guys a fortune. So one of you killed her. Who's left-handed?
[starts walking towards Kyle]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, you know it's best to have this sort of explanation after the bad guys are incapacitated.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [turns to Booth] Why?
Kyle Montrose: [shoves Bones, grabs a candlestick and attacks Duke] You killed her for this?
[Bones knocks Kyle out]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's why.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Yeah. Well, I'll try to remember that for next time.
"Bones: The Patriot in Purgatory (#8.6)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We went to Afghanistan because of those attacks. No matter how bad it got, we would never leave a man behind. You know that!... We gotta do something!Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [referring to a book by Phil Jackson she read] Phil says that everything is connected.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's it. No more basketball for you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [at Tim Murphy's funeral] For years, Tim Murphy was homeless. He was forgotten. He was one of those people in the streets that we try not to look at because the sight of them is just too painful. But we're all cut from the same cloth. Tim knew that. He knew how connected all of us are. He knew that if it wasn't for his three buddies, that Tim wouldn't be alive on September 11th to save the lives of Diane, Warren and James.
[fighting tears]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And we wouldn't be able to tell... Tim's son that his dad didn't die... a broken man living on the streets, Sean. But, he was as brave and noble as the best of us. We lay him to rest today a hero.
"Bones: The Crack in the Code (#7.6)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Listen Bones, this guy's really dangerous. I don't...Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Sweets already explained. I'm not going out in the field.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Wait. Seriously? You were listening?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Given the demands of a growing fetus. I'll focus on the lab. *And* the Real Estate section.
Caroline Julian: Because you've got a little Booth coming. You find a house yet?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, we haven't agreed on that yet.
Caroline Julian: Oh.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Oh?" What do you mean - "Oh?"
Caroline Julian: I figured "Oh" implies all the potential problems. Why kill the lillies?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We have a house, Booth. You found our house.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We have a home.
[They kiss]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh! Hey, did you feel that? She kicked!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I think she's trying to tell you that she likes her room.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You think?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah.
"Bones: The Glowing Bones in 'The Old Stone House' (#2.20)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Talk to me squints, as close to English as possible.Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Okay what are we missing here?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: The Stooges.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [as Zack and Hodgins are enacting a scenario] Oh, okay, look, we know that Ben had sex with Carly in the backseat of that car. But you didn't find any evidence of rape.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: So the sex they had was consensual.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [rising up from his chair] *This* part will be left up to the imagination.
"Bones: The Yanks in the U.K.: Parts 1 and 2 (#4.1)" (2008)
[after getting stuck the wrong way in traffic]Special Agent Seeley Booth: I hate England! I'm *glad* we had a revolution!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after having learned that the Brit bone expert was killed with a bone] Live by the bone, die by the bone.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: But there wasn't any evidence of VHL in either the mother's medical records or the autopsy report.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: But its hereditary, so her father must have it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Roger Frampton worked for the NHL?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He may have VHL disease.
"Bones: The Woman in the Sand (#2.8)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What do you think?Special Agent Seeley Booth: I have enough bibles, thank you, but try next door.
[Booth and Bones are undercover watching an illegal fight club]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's human cock-fighting.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: More like lesser surrogates engaged in battles on behalf of the elite lords who don't have the courage to fight themselves.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. You know what?
[clicks his fingers]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Come back to me, Roxie, huh?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ooo, look at all the sweat!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Oh my god! I completely forgot you can't be here, Booth. You're a degenerate gambler.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Former gambler, okay? Not degenerate. I've been through the program, okay? And you know, he's on the move!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: What if you get a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? It's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?
"Bones: The Priest in the Churchyard (#2.17)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Zack Addy: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Dr. Addy] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship, and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God that I'll burn in hell?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ooh, that's tempting.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: You're both afraid that the reason Dr. Brennan didn't sail off into the sunset with her boyfriend Sully might have been her ties to Agent Booth.
[pause]
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: You're *both* quite wrong.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Wyatt] Why didn't I go with Sully?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: How is he supposed to know?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Booth] Sully is perfect. We communicated well. The sex was incredible. He invited me to sail around the South Seas in a beautiful yacht for a year. I mean why would anyone turn that down?
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: In my opinion, you are unable to lead a purposeless life at this stage in your psycho-social development. Which, by the way, you should address because a certain amount of purposelessness is necessary to lead a full life.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I hate psychology.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You don't like it because he's saying that all this tension between me and you is *your* fault.
Dr. Gordon Wyatt: Mmm, on the contrary, if anything your issues are more pronounced. Given that your behavior has been affected by what turns out to be a quite irrational fear of being responsible for somone else's destiny.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not working a whole case with you attacking my beliefs. You should have just saddled up with your boyfriend.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Your beliefs are of an invisible man who wants to run my personal life.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Death would have followed quickly caused by cranial cerebral trauma.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: By the way, 90% of the world believes in God!
Dr. Temperance Brennan: And at one time, most people were certain that the sun revolved around the earth.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [to Dr. Addy] You see, I don't think this is about religion at all.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Bones] We obviously have issues that are affecting our working relationship, and you're afraid to deal with them, so you just lash out at my religion!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Can't you just be satisfied that if I'm wrong about God that I'll burn in hell?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Ooh, that's tempting.
"Bones: The Gamer in the Grease (#5.9)" (2009)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See what I've done here?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Obviously, you've created a geographic Venn diagram.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no, no, no. Incorrect. What I've shown here is they've overlapped in the same area.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: You need to Google Venn diagram.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what I'm thinking...? Lonely housewife. Husband away on a business trip.
[Suggestively]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bow chicka wow wow.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Trying to imitate Booth's tone] What's bow chicka wow wow?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know... Boom clicka mow mow. It's a very common porno plot which in real life is jealous husband stuffing horny mailman in a grease trap.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Who's that?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's the victim's wife.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, are we gonna tell her about the clacka mow boom chicka mow mow boom?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no. It's bow chicka wow wow, boom clicka mow mow. Okay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Something breaks your kid's heart? Your own heart rises up. It gets fierce. It's just a natural response.
"Bones: The Man in the Mud (#3.10)" (2008)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No changies.Special Agent Seeley Booth: No takebacks!
Park Ranger: Is she serious about the mud?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Serious as a gas attack.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Heart attack, Bones. Serious as a heart attack.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey! Check this drain for blood.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [On Booth's cell phone] Blood suspended in toluene might be testable for DNA.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Tell Hodgins he did a good job.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'll tell Hodgins he did a good job if-
[He sees that a light shining on the drain reveals blood]
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I'm waiting...
"Bones: The Truth in the Lye (#2.5)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's nothing to be ashamed of, Booth. Humans act upon a hierarchy of needs, and sex is very highly ranked. It's an anthropological inevitability.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Thank you, Bones. I really appreciate you boiling me down to your anthropological inevitabilities.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Sure.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Anytime.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Are you sure this is the best time to tell them?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: After two days of nagging me, now you're getting cold feet?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I do not nag!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know it's an anthropological inevitability for a woman to gossip and nag.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So now we're talking about a faked homicide to cover up a faked suicide?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: A faked suicide meant to cover up an *actual, original* murder.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Now, just when you think things couldn't get *any* more twisted-
Dr. Camille Saroyan: [enters] How's *this* for a curveball?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: In walks Cam.
"Bones: The Killer in the Concrete (#2.18)" (2007)
Max Keenan: [to Bones] I need your car.Special Agent Seeley Booth: [lying on the ground still immobilized] Max Kennan, you're under arrest.
Max Keenan: Not if I get the keys.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: They're in the ignition.
[Max kisses Bones on the forehead and leaves]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wha?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, it's not like I actually *gave* him the keys.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: [talking about her fugitive father who left her a note about her mother] Next time he shows up, what do I do? Do I call you? Do I knock him on the head? What's my application?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, if I were you, Bones, I'd want to know what he has to tell you about your mother, but... that's just me.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: There's, uh... this old song. It's called Keep on Tryin'.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [small smile] Yeah. Poco.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You know it?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [singing softly] I been drinkin' now just a little too much...
Dr. Temperance Brennan, Special Agent Seeley Booth: [singing together softly] And I don't know how I can get in touch with you. And there's only one thing for me to do. Is keep on tryin' to get home to you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, what about it?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: It's a good ol' song, right?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right.
"Bones: The Maiden in the Mushrooms (#8.21)" (2013)
Bailiff Griff: We met when the show started. Trudy didn't want us to date each other, but I guess that Rebecca and I were so in love that she didn't want to be the Grinch.Special Agent Seeley Booth: How long were you together?
Bailiff Griff: Four years. Lived together for the last two with Iris.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Iris. That's interesting.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Not really, Booth. For hundreds of years, having multiple partners was quite acceptable.
Bailiff Griff: Oh, no, no, no. Iris is a dog. Uh, she's a leopard hound that we rescued.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Never mind.
Pabla Sepulveda: Are you screwing with me?
Dr. Lance Sweets: No. I'm simply pointing out that your lack of self-control can cause you to make extremely poor decisions.
Pabla Sepulveda: You said you were on my side!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. He said he understood why you go psycho!
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay, I wouldn't use that word, Booth.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I know. That's why I'm here.
"Bones: The Future in the Past (#8.1)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, well, I- You know, I missed you, so I... was reading some of your books. They're thick. They're, they're really... They're heavy.Special Agent Seeley Booth: I've been, uh, angry at Angela for the past three months and I... thanks for getting my family back.
"Bones: The Man in the Cell (#2.12)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah it's pretty big, right. Bigger than the one you have.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me, it's not the size that matters. It's how you *use* it.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well I think size is pretty important.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: The point is you shouldn't have a gun in the first place.
Angela Montenegro: If you do have one, bigger is always better.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after Bones pulls out her gun] You know, I could have the Bureau pull your license.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yeah, and I could assign Zack as your forensic Anthropologist.
"Bones: The Past in the Present (#7.13)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What's the matter with you?Dr. Lance Sweets: You're jumping to the conclusion that Pelant is involved.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am not ju- Look, he *is* involved.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Is this a hunch?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No! He switched our ring tones to *wolves*. The victim was *eaten* by wolves.
Dr. Lance Sweets: No, ring tones won't hold up in court.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Tell you what, when you're ready to help, you come and find me, alright? Until then, take a hike.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I *am* helping, Booth. This is how I help. To keep things in perspective. Okay? So, how can I help?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [In a hard tone] Profile the killer and match it to Pelant.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You're asking to frame somebody. So, no. But, what I *can* do is put together an objective profile, and if it matches Pelant, it matches.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It'll match. Pelant did it.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Outside the church, after the christening] Tell you what. I'll go get the car, alright?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay.
[Booth walks away]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
[At the look on Bones' face, Booth walks back to her, smiling]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is it?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I love you, Booth. I don't want you to think that Christine is the only reason we're together.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [He smiles, leans in and kisser her. Softly] It's going to be okay. Alright?
[He leans down and kisses Christine in Bones' arms]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'll be right back. I'll get the car.
[Booth walks away]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Alright? Be right back.
"Bones: The Diamond in the Rough (#8.10)" (2013)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Cam has just removed the victim's shoe and the foot fell apart] Sayonara. I don't even like feet... when they're *not* falling off. So, when you get a face, you get back to me, okay?Dr. Lance Sweets: I can't actually picture you taking dance lessons.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, my mom taught me. She was a dancer.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Your mom was a dancer, and she taught you to dance.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, it was something we did together. She would put me on her feet and we would get the rhythm down. Anyways, I got older, and uh, I was good enough to teach.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Teach older women?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mostly.
Dr. Lance Sweets: A lot of wandering hands, I bet.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, they would get tired... Or they would lose their balance.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Yeah. You were a gigolo.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No. Stop.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You were a gigolo for thirty bucks an hour.
"Bones: Mother and Child in the Bay (#2.2)" (2006)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: When you were sleeping with Kyle, didn't it matter to you that you're destroying a family?Karen Tyler: We were in love.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oh! Love. Sorry, now it's a beautiful story.
[gets a new q-tip for DNA]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Open again.
Karen Tyler: Ow!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Oops!
Karen Tyler: Kyle was going to tell her. We were going to be honest.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Mm-hmmm. 'Cause, you know, you do that so well.
Karen Tyler: I would never hurt her and neither would Kyle.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Kyle. Right, the love of your live who no one's seen in two days.
[to Booth]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Can you see why I'm leery of relationships?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Are you pregnant?
[Cam and Bones look at Booth]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No, I'm not.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why are you looking at me?
"Bones: The Secrets in the Proposal (#9.1)" (2013)
Angela Montenegro: [to Booth via video conference] Is there anything else?Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. There is something else. Stop telling Bones I'm lyin' to her.
Angela Montenegro: What's the problem, Booth? What do you need one more fling before settling down?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm not a fling kind of a guy, and you know that.
Angela Montenegro: Maybe Brennan isn't as attractive to you, now that she's become a mom.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're not helping the situation.
Angela Montenegro: You're ruining her very fragile heart! You should be ashamed of yourself!
[Booth disconnects]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth, I have to tell you something.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Deeply shaken] Uh. Alright, look, Bones, please just- you just gotta give me a little bit more time. That's all. Please.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No. Booth, I'm not... I'm not leaving you.
[They hug and he sighs deeply in relief]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What I want to tell you is that I have absolute faith in you. I *trust* you. I know you love me. And Christine and... I'm sorry I lost sight of that temporarily. You're a good man. You have your reasons, and when you can, you'll share them with me. I'm sorry.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Look, I'm sorry.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: We'll be fine. The next time, it's your turn to ask me to marry you.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I will. As soon as I can, I will.
"Bones: The Man in the Outhouse (#4.2)" (2008)
FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: Bones, two guys at the same time, it's not right! I mean, that's why they invented dueling.FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth: There is someone for everyone. Someone you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. Alright? You just have to be open enough to see it. That's all.
"Bones: The Sense in the Sacrifice (#9.4)" (2013)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [after Booth kisses Bones] We agreed to avoid public displays of affection at the FBI.Special Agent Seeley Booth: To Hell with the FBI.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Wh-what does this all mean, Sweet? Spell it out.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Well, Dr. Brennan is Pelant's endgame. He's trying to replace you. Has he done anything to prevent the two of you from getting together that we don't know about.
[Booth thinks about it]
Dr. Lance Sweets: I'll take that as a "yes."
"Bones: The Woman in the Garden (#1.13)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You put a hit out on my partner?Gang Leader: She's not FBI.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [punches gang leader] I never said anything about FBI. She's my partner, and if anything happens to her I will find you and I will kill you.
[puts gun in gang leader's mouth]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I won't think twice. Look at my eyes, look at my face... if anything happens to her, I will kill you. This is between you and me, nobody sees, nobody knows. You've got nothing to prove. You understand? You understand?
[gang leader nods]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, I thought so. Now if you don't mind I'll leave first because I have somewhere I have to be.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Ok. Hodgins, sew it up. You're coming with us. We're going to the barrio.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: Field work. Cool! Do I get a gun?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: You can't arm Hodgins and not me!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What is it with you people and the guns, huh?
"Bones: The Babe in the Bar (#6.7)" (2010)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Sweets is eating a chocolate bar] Do you have to eat that? I just imagine you chomping down on her cheek or something. Just put it away.Dr. Lance Sweets: If we don't face and overcome unsettling events in our lives, we are ruled by them. I'm not gonna let some ruthless killer destroy my enjoyment of chocolate. It's not gonna happen. I love chocolate too much.
[Booth grabs Sweets's chocolate bar]
Dr. Lance Sweets: Come on! I was about to get to the nuts.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: If you want I can lie to all of our friends, and say that you have pressing FBI business.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth sighs] I don't like the idea of lying to our friends, but I'm going to go with it. Thanks.
"Bones: The Crank in the Shaft (#4.5)" (2008)
Agent Seeley Booth: [Talking to Dr. Brennan, regarding applying for the chair] I mean, Willie Ackerman? He got cut off the list 'cause he got his note from an acupuncturist. And that doesn't even count. Ha! Boob!Dr. Jack Hodgins: Okay. You are not gonna believe this.
Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, try toppin' death by office supplies.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: I was wrackin' my brain over the trace analysis from the sweater. Phlofurol proteolythic enzyme, tryoral methane dye...
Agent Seeley Booth: Hodgins. Hodgins. Hodgins. Eyes are glazing over.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: It's a Blue Hawaiian.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What's a Blue Hawaiian?
Agent Seeley Booth: Well, it's a potent cocktail. Two of those puppies and you're asking yourself, hey, why am I naked and who are all these people?
"Bones: The Ghost in the Machine (#8.9)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So, what do you think? Man or a woman?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I... am uncomfortable defining sex with just a skull.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: C'mon. Take a stab. I won't write anything down. I promise. It's between me and you.
[They both glance at Hodgins standing next to them]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh. Well.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: What? You don't wanna take a stab in front of me.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I am inhibited by my desire not to embarrass myself in front of another scientist.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [to Hodgins] You should take that as a compliment.
Dr. Jack Hodgins: [Indicating Booth] What about him?
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Well, we live together and thus share the same synergistic lack of inhibition which allows us to have sex without being self-conscious.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's very romantic, Bones.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [From Colin's skull's POV, Booth crosses himself and quietly prays] Come to his assistance, all ye saints of God. Meet him, all ye angels of the Lord, receiving his soul, presenting it in the sight of God Almighty. Amen. That's a battle field prayer, but I'm mostly a soldier, so... it seems to fit.
"Bones: Boy in the Time Capsule (#3.7)" (2007)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: There was this girl, Karen Isley, and we were under the bleachers one night... personally.Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I got it. You were having sex in the dirt under the bleachers.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Excuse me, I'm a gentleman! I brought my sleeping bag.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Did you bring that for me?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Good because that's the wrong Smurf. I liked Smurfette, that's Brainy Smurf.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well Smurfette was a stupid, shallow Smurf who only had her looks. Look, you're better than Smurfette. You have your looks and a whole lot more.
"Bones: The Soldier on the Grave (#1.21)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [after telling her about a mission] It's never just one person who dies, Bones. Never. Never.[pause. Bones puts her hand on his forearm. Booth sniffles. Puts his hand over hers]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know, we all die a little bit, Bones. With each shot, we all die a little bit.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why do you have to be so cynical?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I'm not cynical. It's a necessary part of the psychology of warfare - heroes and villains. Without clear distinctions like that, we'd never be able to fight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, well, I always found being shot at is a motivating factor.
"Bones: Big in the Philippines (#9.13)" (2014)
Wendell Bray: ...I saw my dad go through[the chemotherapy]
Wendell Bray: . Sick from the chemo to the end. He missed out on living.
[pause]
Wendell Bray: I'm okay with it, take off, I've always wanted to see South America, the Galapagos, you know, the Adriatic, kick back, drink, sleep with as many women as I ca...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no, no, you're not going to do that. You're going to get the treatment, you're going to throw up and you're going to feel miserable, but none of that's going to matter because you're going to live to be a hundred.
Wendell Bray: [chuckles] You should be my doctor.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: C'mon, I'm serious!
[pauses]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You can fight this. You have to fight this.
Wendell Bray: Why?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why? Because there's a life out there you haven't even lived yet. There's a woman, waiting to be your wife. Okay? And-And-And there's kids, waiting to be born, waiting to find out how great of a dad you're going to be.
[pauses]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Plus you have your friends, okay, your friends, they need you. That's why.
[phone rings]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Don't worry about that.
Wendell Bray: I get it, you're working, we'll talk lat...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Just hold on. Don't move.
[picks phone up]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Booth
Dr. Lance Sweets: Hey, Booth?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Hey, listen, Sweets, can this wait?
Wendell Bray: You-you work, I'm going, we'll talk later.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No, no, no. Just hold on.
Dr. Lance Sweets: You okay?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah. What is it, Sweets?
"Bones: The Girl in the Gator (#2.13)" (2007)
[Brennan is in Florida talking on the phone to Booth, who is in Washington]Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I thought you said you'd be down on the next flight.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I haven't met with the shrink yet.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: What shrink?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the department psychiatrist has to sign a piece of paper saying, you know, that I am not nuts, before I get my gun back, so I got an appointment tomorrow.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Great. Now I have to break in this Agent Sullivan?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Sully's a great guy, okay. And for your information, you never broke *me* in.
"Bones: El Carnicero en el Coche (#9.3)" (2013)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: From now on when one of us has been shot at, has to tell the other one right awayDr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Okay, unless one of us is already dead
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right!
"Bones: The Superhero in the Alley (#1.12)" (2006)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, so did he jump or was he pushed, Bones?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: That's what we have to figure out. We can take the skeleton in, give you a report; maybe after next week.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No you don't have to solve the whole case. Just tell me if I'm looking at a murder. Maybe, you know, pull a quick ID?
[Smiles charmingly]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: [Smiles while Amused] Don't use your charm smile on me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? It's a mark of respect, that's all.
"Bones: The Nail in the Coffin (#9.22)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're amazing, you know that?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Yes.
"Bones: The Nazi on the Honeymoon (#9.7)" (2013)
Dr. Leticia Perez: What's this? I have nothing new to tell you.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, we know you're a tridactyl.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Polydactily.
"Bones: The Twisted Bones in the Melted Truck (#6.8)" (2010)
Dr. Lance Sweets: Parker could be angry because he senses how much Hannah means to you and feels that you don't want him to meet her.Special Agent Seeley Booth: But I do. I just want it to be right. I want it to be perfect time.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Right. Do you think there is such a thing?
"Bones: The Heiress in the Hill (#9.15)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Hodgins hugs him after his offer to cover his brother's expenses] Oh, no. Whatever happened to handshakes?"Bones: The Lost Love in the Foreign Land (#10.6)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: We know you killed her father.Sung Dae Park: Yes. I killed him.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Why would she marry you? A man who killed her father?
Sung Dae Park: He did things. Terrible things. He was selling her to someone in the village. When I saw him... beating her... I did it for her. She knew. She, she loved me.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah, but you ran. You left her.
Sung Dae Park: To make money. For a new life for us. But, the people who brought me here... They took everything.
FBI Special Agent James Aubrey: [With Radziwill in observation] He was trafficked like she was?
Alex Radziwill: Welcome to Hell, kid.
Sung Dae Park: I was to send for her, but I could not. Are you sure this Min Yun?
[He looks at Booth hopefully]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Yeah.
Sung Dae Park: [Talking through tears] She must have come... to find me... Her death is my fault. Why... would anyone hurt her? She was kind. She... she... She was my heart.
"Bones: The Mystery in the Meat (#9.10)" (2013)
Dr. Lance Sweets: You did a good thing, Booth. I know you and Angela haven't exactly been friends lately.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, wait a second; this wasn't about Angela. I just wanted Bones to have a bachelorette party.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: "Okay"? Don't say "okay" to me.
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
[pauses]
Dr. Lance Sweets: That wasn't an "okay" okay; it was just an okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: See, you don't even know how to say just "okay".
Dr. Lance Sweets: Okay.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You said... All right, forget it.
"Bones: The Twist in the Plot (#8.13)" (2013)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Recorded message to Christine] Hey there, Christine. It's me, your father.[Bones appears behind him, quietly listening]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Dad. Dada. Daddy. If you're watching this right now, I'm dead. Um, if I was a good father to you, you're... sad... right now. If we had some sort of, like, falling out, let's just forget about it and move on. It's just- It's not worth it. You know, personally I'm doing everything I can to get into heaven right now. But your mother believes... well, she thinks that it's a... I'll tell you what. Why don't you go ask her? It's...
[fighting tears]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: complicated. These are the last words that I'm going to, to speak... in this world so, here goes. Okay. I like God. I really like God. And I- and I think that He likes me. You know, I, uh... I *love* Canadian beer. And hockey. They kinda go hand in hand.
[Chuckles]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I really love loud music. And really sad music.
[Seriously]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I love this country. And I'm proud to have served in the military. I'm the luckiest man in the world because I got to spend time with your mother... and with you.
[Takes a deep breath as tears fall]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: And that's true, you know, it's true. Whether I die today or 50 years from now, it's true. Kay? I love you. And I want you to love life. Dive into life. Be- be courageous. Question things. And... be happy. Don't forget to laugh. Oh, one last favor. Help your mom to be happy because if she's alone, then she's gonna forget.
[pause]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: That's it. That's... from me to you.
[Blows a kiss, then Bones races over and dives into his lap, hugging him]
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Whoa! Okay. Alright. And I'm still alive, Bones, and you know what, you shouldn't be eavesdropping.
"Bones: The Partners in the Divorce (#8.2)" (2012)
Chad Lester: [after hearing Bones and Booth arguing] Hey, is everything okay here?Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: No!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: No!
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I need to get to your construction chute.
Chad Lester: Wait, now that's a very dangerous area. I can't let you go back there.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Shoving his badge in his face] FBI! Angry FBI!
"Bones: Spaceman in a Crater (#2.19)" (2007)
Dr. Jack Hodgins: This guy's wearing loafers. Aliens don't wear loafers.Dr. Camille Saroyan: Even if they want to pass unnoticed amongst us?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Before taking over?
Dr. Jack Hodgins: This is harassment. You know, it's illegal to mock people for their fundamental beliefs.
"Bones: The Truth in the Myth (#6.18)" (2011)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I believe the bite marks to Coleman's ribs came from a taxidermied bear.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Right. So he was killed by a stuffed animal?
"Bones: The High in the Low (#9.20)" (2014)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I am not set in my ways! I never have been, and I never will be."Bones: The Family in the Feud (#7.11)" (2012)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Didn't they teach you, you know, how not to be irritating at shrink camp?Dr. Lance Sweets: It was a university.
"Bones: The Boy in the Shroud (#2.3)" (2006)
Dr. Camille Saroyan: Booth, if Dr. Brennan were to quit...Special Agent Seeley Booth: What?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: If she were to leave the Jeffersonian...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, the squints would flee this institution like the French army.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: And you?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, I do as I'm ordered.
Dr. Camille Saroyan: No, you don't, Seeley.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Okay, here we go. What's going on, Camille?
Dr. Camille Saroyan: What if I fired her? What would you do?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm with Bones, Cam. All the way. Don't doubt it for a second.
"Bones: The Headless Witch in the Woods (#2.10)" (2006)
[Booth has arrested Will, he joins Brennan in her office]Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I?
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, you know, our perceptions are always colored by what we hope, what we fear, what we love. We do the best we can.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: I'm afraid my best isn't good enough. I can read bones, not people.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Oh, you know, you had no trouble seeing through me.
[smiles at her and she smiles back]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: It's a good thing I like being alone.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You know what, Bones? You're not alone. Okay?
[Brennan has turned her back to Booth, he touches her on the shoulder to turn her around, she hesitates, then turns to him]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Booth...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: You're my partner, ok? It's a guy hug. Take it.
[they embrace tightly, Booth smiles thoughtfully and Brennan looks relieved, happy and safe]
"Bones: The Turn in the Urn (#9.19)" (2014)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: After Mr. Abernathy and I finished separating the remains that were mixed in with Daniel Barr's, I realized that we're missing parts of the victim.Special Agent Seeley Booth: How? He's ash.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Based on his size, after cremation, his remains should weigh 3 kilograms. We received only 2.31 kilograms.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: So you're missing almost 2 pounds of the victim. Why can't you just say "2 pounds" instead of getting all metricky?
"Bones: Soccer Mom in the Mini-Van (#3.2)" (2007)
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: He's irrational, probably male menopause.Special Agent Seeley Booth: What? He's a good man and you know what there's no such thing. That is a sexist myth.
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: Factually hormone production drops in your fifties, sexual desire decreases, you have to deal with the reduction of muscle mass, erectile dysfunction...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Booth interrupts] Hey, let's just keep the conversation up, shall we?
[points his index finger up]
Dr. Temperance 'Bones' Brennan: And there's evidence that certain men become very unstable.
"Bones: The Fact in the Fiction (#8.17)" (2013)
Dr. Lance Sweets: The guy literally fought off coyotes to get the skull back. That's awesome.Special Agent Seeley Booth: Coyotes, they just run away if you yell at them.
Dr. Lance Sweets: I know. Still. To face a pack of wild animals alone...
Special Agent Seeley Booth: I'm sure you could just bore them to death with your shrinky talk.
Dr. Lance Sweets: And I'm sure you could just break their hearts with your mean... mean words.
"Bones: The Finger in the Nest (#4.3)" (2008)
Special Agent Seeley Booth: [Bones and Booth are burying a dog, Ripley] Thought you'd want to say something.Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well, I feel that this dog Ripley, paid a price that was unfair.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: It's not my fault Bones - why are you talking to me?
Dr. Temperance Brennan: Well you're the only one here!
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Talk to the universe. Or God. Or Ripley.
Dr. Temperance Brennan: I don't believe in God.
Special Agent Seeley Booth: Well, God spelled backwards is dog.
Travelling is my life
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